Brighton Speed Trials 2015 PICS! Now with extra pic dump!

[luckyseven]

Sooo, given that public pressure had told and forced the greenest motorist-hatingest council in the UK to backtrack and allow the Speed Trials to be held again it seemed rude not to plod along and have a look. Ada-san had managed to blag a day pass so he, me and The Boy jumped on a train to sunny Brighton, mecca for homelessness, prostitution, stags, hens, poseurs, pseuds, drug fiends and UKIP voters. It's a funny old place.

For those who doesn't know, the Speed Trials is the longest-running motorsport event in the country, broken only by wartime, 1969 (the year, not the Stooges song, but I've no idea why) and a couple of years back when the council refused to grant a licence after it was suspended following the death of a competitor in a sidecar accident. It does say on the ticket that motorsport can be dangerous... Held on the Victorian promenade along Madeira Drive, it's basically a public road turned into a dragstrip for the day. The continuity is part of the magic; you can look back through the programme at previous years' fastest runs and see such luminary entries as "1932: Sir Malcolm Campbell : Sunbeam" (who incidentally still holds the course record for the fastest standing half-mile at 23.6 seconds). More recently you can note that the excellently-named Dante Duce could 'only' get the Moonbeam Dragster down the kilometre in 21.95 seconds for that course record in 1964.

Having wavered between flying half-mile, static half-mile and kilometre (nasty, vulgar modern metrification, it'll never catch on) the Brighton And Hove Motor Club organisers finally settled on the now-accepted standard standing quarter and so it has been since 1993. The entry list is nothing if not eclectic; motorcycles of all ages and construction; single-seater racecars; muscle cars; supercars; hillclimbers and specials of all flavours. It's still cheap at £14 to get in, and given that it's basically a really long road with the sea on one side and a man-made cliff on the other, the "pits" are strung out along each side of the road. This means you can wander right amongst the competitors as they wait their runs, chat to the drivers and stick your nose right up inside the machinery.

So, shall we have a look then?

[randywanger_]

I really wanted to go to this one, can't remember what bit of life got in the way. ada7 is on here somewhere I think?

Looking forward to the pictures.

[luckyseven]

ada7 is probably not allowed on here any more Too much like fun



So, having got Ada out of bed at some unearthly hour in order to drive down to Wort'ing we made an effort to get down nice and early. First thing to greet us on entering the "paddock" was this excellent Scimitar pit vehicle



and we knew we were in for a good day! The bikes are always shoved right down at the far end of the main drag, presumably because it's easier for them to thread their way up through the throng to get to the strip. There is a brilliant mix of ancient and modern... pre-unit old iron sidevalves rub shoulders with plastic-shrouded multi-valve superbikes. From near-stock street bikes to heavily-modified dragsters;



and plenty of "period" modifications!



Bob, don't forget to turn the oil on



This Honda RC163 might be a replica, but it's still an incredible piece of engineering. Soichiro Honda (the firm's founder) had not only a dedication to engineering solutions that weren't necessarily the cheapest, easiest or most accepted but rather what he saw as the best... but also a hatred of two-strokes. Long after the writing was on the wall for the heavier, more complicated four-strokes in GP racing he forced his designers to overcome their handicaps. This resulted in Swiss-watch engineering on engines that stood no chance without adding cylinder after cylinder, multiple valves and rev limits up in the stratosphere of 18,000. The fact that this resulted in light-switch narrow powerbands and an "idle" of about 5,000 rpm and meant anyone without the reactions of a mongoose struggled even to get them off the line, let alone pedal them successfully round the Isle of Man or the Nurburgring was of total disinterest to him. Four flatslide Keihins make for a great noise and mechanics balancing nightmare. This is relatively sane in being a four-pot 250... the four-cylinder 125s were even more mad!





Vincents always represent well here; the original superbike was the price of a decent terraced house back when new, and was never a common sight. To modify something so rare and valuable for competition takes a brave man, although many of these have been clattering around the tracks for decades now. The frameless design, using that artwork of an engine as the main stressed member, was years ahead of its time. Picture photobombed by the Boy's foot. *sigh*







The bevel-drive Ducatis preceded their iconic Desmodromic valve gear... where the top-end does away with valve springs in favour of rockers that positively close as well as opening the poppets... and here's a great example, where the owner has kindly let a window into the top-end so you can see the gearsets working. Very kind of him to let the Boy have a "go" on his pride and joy, too





The Kawasaki H1 and derivatives were some of the first Japanese two-strokes to hit the street-bike market. There had been plenty of 2T bikes before, of course... the superb Scott Flying Squirrel, for example... but this was when the Japanese factories were finding their stride and bringing the knowledge they'd won in racing to the streets. The H1 was a complete widowmaker; a brutally powerful engine with an on/off power delivery that was capable of completely overwhelming the bendy frame, feeble suspension and inadequate brakes in the blink of an eye.





Leaving the bike section behind for now, we started to amble through the cars lined up awaiting their runs. One of the first things to catch the eye was this lovely 356 coupe... Ada-san knows more about such things than I and proclaimed it was not the average Beetle floorpan made to wear a Porsche-shaped hat. It was certainly very tidy



The beauty of the Speed Trials is the randomness of it all; right alongside the pretty little Porsche is about twenty feet of Bentley Arnage!



and then next along are a brace of cars from that most unexpected of motorsport origins; Wales. Davrian moved to Dyfed from Clapham (weirdly) in the eighties, and never blessed with a massive output of their fibreglass products, it's nice to see both a Mk7 and Mk8 here







More Porsche, and I freely admit they're not exactly my thing, but I do like a nice early 911.



I absolutely love this '47 Dodge. Not only does it look fantastic, it has to be the most ridiculous way ever devised of carrying two seats around. The owner did admit that it had a side-mounted fold away jumpseat but you could only fit midgets or people you really hated in there, so he took it out. Most importantly, it was great to see it back out again. The last time it rode at the Speed Trials, it had a horrible diff-murdering episode on the line where the entire basically leapt about a foot straight up in the air and the diff made noises like a handgrenade in a washing machine!







Little Frogeye looked very innocuous sat in the pits, but later proved unexpectedly potent. That's another great thing about the Trials; cars that outwardly look unassuming and meek for all you know might well be hiding a Cossie YB running about four bar of boost!



Alpine 110s always look unassuming anyway; it's still amazing to think such a pretty, almost dainty little car could be such a weapon on the rally stages for so many years. Proof that form following function doesn't have to result in horrible ugliness





Ratted-out Satellite has presence in spades! It was funny when I was checking Ada had been paying attention and could thus explain that you could tell a '70 Roadrunner by the "telephone" grille ...and a marshal who overheard said with a withering look "except that's a Satellite". Ooops, my bad. So it is. Still, nice that the marshals obviously take an interest in what they're doing, rather than merely being hi-viz jackets for hire. Although the bloke with the beret who spent all day running up and down (literally) bellowing at the top of his voice at men, women and children to MOVE! was a bit tiresome. I think he might have been re-enacting his El Alamein flashbacks or something





There are usually a strong quota of Harris-besprinkled Escorts at the Trials, although this year Dagenham's finest was noticeable more by its absence. This tidy MkII will have to do



In fact, the last few years since the Trials have been back on again, I've noticed a bit of a thinning of the field. There's still a strong entry list, but not like it used to be a few years back. You don't seem to get the amazing supercars turn up... I've seen everything from brand-new Lambos to Porsche V10 Carreras and Ferraris of every period and flavour here... and there's a bit of a "samey-ness" creeping in. I don't know if this is a reflection of these post-austerity times when no-one has enough money, or the BAHMC choosing the entrants slightly too selectively, or people being put off by the recent fatality, or what, but it's a shame to see the field thinned out so much. However, what was there still gives us enough to ogle. Here, have a superb Amazon



Sidney Allard never seemed t mind what his cars looked like, it was how they went that was important. Thus the J2 ended up being of the same ethic as the Lotus 7; the least amount of car required to ferry the most amount of engine, plus one (or is absolutely necessary, two) foolhardy humans. Thing is, starting with rather more engine than the Lotus, the car ended up rather larger as well... sort of like a Caterham going Hulk. A tool rather than a thing of beauty





By contrast, this Cooper T33 Jaguar was improbably beautiful





All six of the real Shelby Daytona Coupes were in action at the Goodwood Revival this year... and this ain't one of them. But rather than her more common little sister, the Cobra, it's a case of why not build a replica when it's this good? The Peter Brock aero treatment of the humble AC base is still stunning, from that nose that crosses two postcodes to that extravagantly sloped Kamm tail... and the car is prodigiously able. Owned and run by Nadine Geary, the fastest nurse in Christendom, it's probably the only way she could go up from her previous famous Viper.









And from the sublime to the ridiculous; a funky little Renault 4CV driven by an unfeasibly tall pilot who looked hilarious sat inside it; rather like a clown who wears their car suspended from a pair of braces

[davethepieman]

No. Freaking. WAY.

That is just incredible. <3

[mk2polobloke]

Some great pictures as usual - many thanks for posting.
I had intended to go as I missed it last year, but a 6 hour round trip to Devon put paid to that.
Oh well, there's always next year.

[heathrobinson]

Sept 22, 2015 19:10:25 GMT davethepieman said:

No. Freaking. WAY.

That is just incredible. <3

It's a glorious thing ain't it! It took me a moment to notice quite how big those honking great tyres at the back are. And what's going on with the capped exhausts?

[Paul Y]

Sept 22, 2015 21:52:58 GMT heathrobinson said:

Sept 22, 2015 19:10:25 GMT davethepieman said:

No. Freaking. WAY.

That is just incredible. <3

It's a glorious thing ain't it! It took me a moment to notice quite how big those honking great tyres at the back are. And what's going on with the capped exhausts?

Exhausts look like Super Trapps on my phone but could be wrong.

More superb pictures, you are making a habit of this now!

P.

[georgeb]

Had to split this into two due to the school run getting in the way. Why can't kids throw random sickies like we used to back in the day?

Anyway, whether in one serving or two, I was looking forward to this one and, as usual, it performs exactly as expected.

Thank you.

[luckyseven]

Thanks guys!

The next half will appear as soon as I get a chance. In the meanwhile, here are some more of that superb Dodge, taken at the Worthing Sunny Sunday show in 2012. Paul Y is right, Supertrapp exhausts... they use slotted discs to alter the backpressure/noise in a kinda semi-tuneable stylee. Often seen on Harleys!



















.....and just for George, a bonus Sunbeam ("only" an Alpine) at the Trials on a slightly better weather day;

[mylittletony]

Sept 23, 2015 0:05:36 GMT luckyseven said:

.....and just for George, a bonus Sunbeam ("only" an Alpine) at the Trials on a slightly better weather day;

I caught this last year, thought exactly the same as you; "only an alpine"... until I looked under the bonnet:

Oct 6, 2014 12:23:42 GMT mylittletony said:

Turbo Zetec! Top marks for subtlety

Another great write up L7, I missed it this year which was a mistake...

[georgeb]

Sept 23, 2015 0:05:36 GMT luckyseven said:

.....and just for George, a bonus Sunbeam ("only" an Alpine) at the Trials on a slightly better weather day;

Sept 23, 2015 7:25:54 GMT mylittletony said:

Sept 23, 2015 0:05:36 GMT luckyseven said:

.....and just for George, a bonus Sunbeam ("only" an Alpine) at the Trials on a slightly better weather day;

I caught this last year, thought exactly the same as you; "only an alpine"... until I looked under the bonnet:

Oct 6, 2014 12:23:42 GMT mylittletony said:

Turbo Zetec! Top marks for subtlety

Another great write up L7, I missed it this year which was a mistake...

For a guy who had a 1725 Holbay and lusted after a Tiger, a Zetec is very different. But I like it.

Thanks for the pics, both. You've made an old man very happy

[goldenwonder]

The white 911 (LAP 1E) has been owned by father & son since new in '67 & raced for most of it's life on & off.
Such a nice car & really nice bloke who owns & drives it. Cage etc was also fitted in the 60's AFAIK-he's a good friend of my dads & a car I used to play in as a child!

[luckyseven]

Ooooops, slacking Sorry, been busier than a really busy thing lately. Better crack on wi' this then!



Apparently this thing is brand new and this was its first foray into the public eye. It's called a "Vūhl" and I've not even got an idea what that funny little accent over the "U" is called but it resulted in the circuit announcer entertainingly calling it a "Vole". And who knows, he might even be right





Meet Bob. That's him, leaning on the rear wing of this Ferrari F40



and that's fine, because it's his F40 so he can do that. He's a bit of a local legend, runs a car(ish) business down by the harbour, dismantles stuff, weighs in stuff, moves stuff about, y'know how it is. I chatted to him about his excellent F40 in a previous meeting, and he confided that he was old-time friends with Old Man Frost (whose business is the title sponsor of the Trials) and got the Fezza for an insulting price way before they were as famous or recognised as they are now. He admitted this time around that he'd often thought of moving it on, especially given the price they command now and also how plain horrid it is to drive. It's apparently completely unforgiving and goes from 0.0001 all the way up to a Spinal Täp 11 in the blink of an eye. He's lost count of the number of times he's spun it on tracks and freely admit he's sweating bullets all the time he drives it in the wet. But he keeps not selling it basically because it's an F40... what more reason would you need? And what a refreshing change to meet someone who owns (several) stupidly expensive motorcars and is happy to stand and chat with complete strangers. The Boy, being his usual charming self, asked if he could have a sit in it...



I think even he realised that this was A Special Moment! Ada-san was gnashing his teeth as no matter how affable Bob proved, there was no way short of re-arranging the time/space continuum or judicious use of a saw to remove his hind limbs that th' boy Ada was ever going to fit in an F40 cockpit with his freakishly large frame. Score one to the midgets, lol. Again the two things that strike me up close to this awesome vehicle are just how uncompromised all the engineering solutions are under the "bonnet" and how if you'd spent a million bucks on a legendary car you'd be a bit upset to find the cockpit more utilitarian than a Nigerian public convenience. Boot carpet and plyboard? Oooh, exotic. Mind you, carbon-kevlar buckets oooze trickness!











This is a well-used and abused E-Type that's an ever-present at the Trials, evidently getting rather incontinent in its old age now



There were a few Toyota Supras around. Now don't get me wrong, the Supra is a phenomenally capable car for the money, very well built and able to withstand a ridiculous amount of tuning on standard internals, but I've never understood why the MkIVs have held their value better than just about any equivalent age Japanese junior supercar. Particularly the RX-7... which if we render it down to the most basic of criteria, looks (hey, we're all that shallow about choosing cars if we're honest). The Supra as near-stock looks actually pretty anonymous and well... almost dull. Maybe time has just not been kind to it





...although this Castrol-livery racey style MkIV did have rather more ...errm, how do you spell "Jshuzsh" ?... about it!





I'd much rather have a MkIII which might say more about the time period I'm still trapped in than anything



One of my teachers at school had a TR-7. We all thought it was massively cool, and soooooo futuristic (although this was admittedly at a time when "futuristic" meant pink wigs on UFO and as impressionable schoolkids I remember the amazement at one kid's uncle who had an XJS that had a CLOCK in it! Like, a clock in a car! He must be a millionaire!). Anyway, having decided TR-7s were cool nothing could dissuade us, not even when one of the headlights got stuck halfway up for a few months. And I still think they're cool now. This one has a V8, which makes it even much more cooler enuff





I've blithered on at great length about X-Power SV MG things before too... but never mind all that convoluted backstory about it being a globally-created ex De Tomaso piece of kitsch weirdness. I'm feeling fickle and shallow and I'll fight anyone who doesn't agree that put on some proper offset dish and sack it and it'll look as hard as your pervy old uncle in front of babestation



Doc Merfield V8 Cortina MkII is another annual performer, and still makes one of the best noises of the day



350Zs are already looking dated (in my mind, anyway) so have a small snippet rather than the whole car. Mmmm, pink calipers. Well, it is Brighton, lots of boys and girls wear pink accents for all sorts of reasons



I guess I'm just a shameful heretic, but *whisper it* I don't really like 911s. There, I've said it! However, were I to have to have one, I gravitate rather oddly towards the flatnose ones. No idea why, maybe it's cos no-one else likes them and I've got some in-built genetic obstacle that stops me doing what everybody else does. Nice that however funky the exterior becomes, the dash remains a lesson in Teutonic efficiency where even the clock is given equal importance to the RPM.





The other flatnose was nothing like the nicely-kept road car. It was a tool, nothing more. An out-and-out competition brute where nothing non-essential survived



Count Renzo Rivolta might have been teased at school about his name, but then he had the last laugh by fulfilling that uniquely Italian destiny of starting your own automobile company to produce astonishingly able and stunningly beautiful cars irrespective of the company's ability to withstand the financial strain of such excellence, or indeed the sales network to actually flog any of them. Thus such beauties as this Iso Rivolta enter the lexicon of heroic failures. Bizzarini-designed and Chevy-powered, it deserved to sell more. But then, it wouldn't be such an occasion meeting one on the street if they had





Arbitrary Cooper Jag wheel pic... mainly cos it's the iconic Dunlop steelie so redolent of the big cat's sporting glories... and partly cos I forgot to put it in with the other pics of the car



and speaking of icons... the odds of you standing alongside a real DBR1 are slim, to say the least. They're like single-figures rare and eight-figures expensive. Fortunately then there are people willing to put less obscene but still considerable fortunes of money into making really very impressive replicas such as this







Arbitrary carbon Nawwwwws (dude) bottle just cos I liked it. There are loads of single-seaters and trackday special type cars at the Trials, most of which have production runs measured in the tens and thus you have no clue as to what they actually are, and most of which tend to be spidery odd-shaped things that don't photograph particularly well. Hence this being the only bit of one that didn't end up on the cutting room floor. Damn, I've got Bauhaus' She's In Parties stuck in my head now...



Viper! No more words needed.



This 'vette was nice...



...partly because we all love a squeaky clean First-gen (or second if you want to be pedantic) Corvette, albeit one with quite a severe amount of restoration thrust upon it...





...really not sure about that steering wheel, mind you...



...but in particular because this specific 'vette has a bit of a party trick. Open the lid on the engine bay and you won't find the rather feeble and asthmatic original 6-piston Blue Flame motor weighing it down like the boat anchor it so clearly should have been. Nope, here you find a spanky new Chevy LS motor, complete with electronics and all that new-fangled jazz. The owner admitted it was a bit of a squeeze fitting it all in, but figured once he'd blown the original six-pot to bits down Goodwood's rear straight, he might as well go all in on the replacement. Well done, sir!



Another of those funny raceday specials. A Sylva Phoenix in fact, that has previously been the fastest car of the year IIRC. Cossie YB turbo in a car that needs tying down to stop it floating away might have something to do with that...

[sridgett]

Some of them old bike are lovley, got any more bike pics buy chance?

[luckyseven]

Yep, a few more to come

[sridgett]

Haha good stuff, looking forward to them mate

[ratchart]

The blue Corvette, being a 61 or 62 would have had a V8 from the factory, not a six pot, but the engine it's got now definitely has a bit more oomph so your point still stands.

[luckyseven]

Oct 9, 2015 18:56:24 GMT ratchart said:

The blue Corvette, being a 61 or 62 would have had a V8 from the factory, not a six pot, but the engine it's got now definitely has a bit more oomph so your point still stands.

I thought it might be a bit earlier than that, maybe late fifties? Although I thought the six-cylinder stock motor stopped when they went to twin headlights, I'm certainly no 'vette guru (evidently, lol) so you're likely right. However, the owner insisted it was a six cylinder that he blew up, so I dunno what the story there was I'll have to go back next year and find out

[luckyseven]

EDIT: ratchart , you're right. Having the sense to zoom in on my own picture ( ) reveals it says '61 on the plate. I'll make it my mission to chase the bloke down next year and ask him to explain himself


So, we finally made it along the entire length of the paddock to the actual startline. This is where the perennial problem of the Trials begins... ever since the middle tier of the Madeira Drive promenade was damaged by winds and allowed to fall into disrepair, the space for spectating has been reduced by about 7/8ths. In actual fact, if you were to avoid paying at the gate and just wander up to the street level above, you'd have a better chance of fiding a decent viewing spot than the paying customers below at ground level. Getting in first is essential, but we gradually managed to worm our way forward to the barriers and get some pics in. Several of these were taken by The Boy, as much as anything because it was easier to get him threaded through to the front of the crowd. He's getting pretty good, albeit a bit random in what he takes!



Midget! There were a load of Sprite/Midgets on the day, perhaps the most notable of which was the one driven by Freddie Hunt, ol' James' lad. He was ligging about, signing autographs (Ada got one) and generally looking effortlessly cool in a replica of his old man's race suit. In fact, he looks almost exactly like Chris Hemsworth playing James Hunt, which is a little disconcerting. Anyway, I not only didn't get his autograph but I didn't get a single useable photo of him or his car either, so you'll have to take my word for it *embarrassed*

Moving on... that lovely 356 coupe again



Mini. In Conrad-extreme-close-up-o-vision!




911. Even more so!



Nice to see a rotary representing, now that th'boy Papercup formerly of the FDUK parish has sold his FD on. And that was V8 powered anyway so didn't count. RX-8...they're OKish, but it's a shame if this is the Wankel's last hurrah. For all sorts of reasons



Satellite! Brash and obnoxious as you'd like!





I like MGB coupes. Again, I dunno if it's my innate inability to conform. And it's not just unreasonable partisanship; my mum has a roadster and it's a great thing in its own way, but the coupes just have a nicer shape, they lose the severe straight line styling of the droptop. Or is he off on one spouting utter curse word again? Answers on a postcard, lol. Anyway, "MGBGTV8" just trips off the tongue wonderfully, no matter how awkward it looks written down




Viper in Conrad-o-vision



...and a slightly more wideframe version! This is the enduring image and vibe of the Speed Trials for me; obscenely fast machinery blurring past the slightly faded glory of a bygone age wrought in Victorian iron



TVR. The practical TVR, no less. Four seats, for anyone who has a TVR and three acquaintances that they really don't like and want to torment and terrify in equal measures



A slightly larger percentage of that Sylva Phoenix than in the previous shot;



Funny how the "new" GTR has been around for ages now and I still haven't managed to get "that" photo that I can see in my head but never manage to get into the camera. This one came close, though I confess to post-pro fidgetery



Amazon. A car with a surprisingly long and illustrious motorsport heritage, albeit not necessarily in the UK. I really want one, dropped on its gusset and with preposterously wide banded steels



....and then back they come. The irritatingly militant marshals combined with the lady announcer (who sounded so bored she made Rosemary the telephonist from Hong Kong Phooey sound enthusiastic) to shoo the milling proles out of the way, and we got a chance to take pics of the cars facing the other way round, lol



DB7s are starting to look strangely dated to me... I guess it's a by-product of the more recent Astons having such a recognisable evolutionary look that's moved on the DB7 style so far. Don't get me wrong, I still would, y'know. Are these wheels the last Aston wheels to feature hubcaps, lol





This definitely is not "that" photo of the GTR I have in my head. They definitely look better in gunmetal than silver, mind



Another Sprite that isn't Freddie Hunt's, lol



Rather annoyingly, given that it had taken us all morning to walk the length of the pits and wriggle through to the front of the throng, it was about this time that lunch was called. . Dunno really why this is necessary, you'd have thought there were enough groups of vehicles and enough marshals to keep them organised that a total cessation wasn't needed. However, it happened so we had little choice but to wander all the way back down the prom for some lunch ourselves, pausing to fill in the blanks of some of the stuff we'd missed on the way up. Such as a supercharged Cossie V6, for example. Oh yeah, how did we miss that?



Supra engine is of at least equal prettiness, and a bit of attitude to boot



Conrad insisted on eating our lunch sat on the stairs to what little of the second tier of the prom that you can actually access (the rest is cordoned of and supported by scaffolding... in places the deck is missing altogether. Hopefully the Council will pull their finger out and get it finished for next year). The plus side of this was that you got excellent views down the length of the paddock



The downside was that my chips got cold really quickly and when it started to rain, we were right in amongst it!



fortunately the ominous black clouds only came to sporadic showers and we were able to scurry forth from our shelter under the arches quite quickly. The only good thing about rain at a motorsport event is if it's heavy enough to let you do arty pics of raindrops so these showers were just a bummer in every regard!



The other downside of being all the way back at the cafes under the arches was that it was a long walk back to the startline, and by the time we made it back there, it was impossible to get anywhere with even half a view. If you stood at the back end of the burnout box this was what you got...



...that was Nadine Geary's Daytona Coupe, in case you couldn't recognise it. This is... errr... something else...



If you stood near the staging area then this was what you got...



...which successfully shows just how damned busy the event had now got, but is of little real practical use in a photo report (though you might spot Andy Papercup there on his KTM if you squint). If you stood near the startline... actually, scratch that. You couldn't get within thirty yards. The "stands" were full, everywhere was full. The best you could manage were tiny snippets between arms and legs of the punters



The announcer made frequent pleas for people to move aside and allow children to the front so they might see, most of which were ignored. So we were forced to get inventive; with the simple application of our secret weapons of an unfeasibly tall Ada and a camera-enabled Conrad, we came up with a method of at least one of us seeing what was going on and taking some photos of it



However, this was of sporadic quality in terms of pics... some nice bikes in this one, the Egli Vincent for example.... if you look hard enough



Eventually we'd (well, OK, I'd) had enough of this and got the right knock. It was whilst trying to get a photo of just about my favourite vehicle of the whole day... and time after time someone would blunder across my field of view that I started getting the hump



Honestly, until Brighton get their four-x together and sort out the bloody viewing, it's one of those events you'd be better off watching on the telly. Except it's not televised. Before I got the terminal grump on, we decided to wander back trough the pits, see what we'd missed, and then console ourselves by visiting the Lego shop in the mall before heading home. That last bit was Conrad's contribution to the plan. However, the plan worked well because it turned out there was plenty we had missed. Turbo Bandit, for e.g.





Deranged little Clubman with a serious motorsport flava



some fine backsides presented themselves as well. Can't remember the last time I saw an XR4 still living



Moar Cortina. Love this car



Under the skin of that excellent MGBGT. Hmmm, not your standard setup then!





Ouch! No, this Monaro didn't get its impromptu re-shaping at the Speed Trials

[luckyseven]

The Rivolta was showing its inside bits too. Good job of fitting a Chevy small block in beneath that elegant long bonnet; the length of the car means the lump is sat well back behind the axle line for decent weight distribution. Interior retains its Italianate flair despite full rollcage





Improbably clean Mustang proves that go and show needn't be mutually exclusive



And so we found ourselves back where we came in; right out at the entrance by the bikes. Now I knew it was in here somewhere, I was on a mission to find my dream bike, but you still have to make time for a few random pics. Anorexically thin drag waif shows how it's done, old skool



Elsie! Ask anyone of an age (OK, mid forties) what the most wanted bike of their teenage years was and I bet Yamaha's chip shop hooligan the RD250LC will feature highly on their wish list. I had one, a 350 YPVS in fact and when it worked it was the best thing ever. Of course, all too often it didn't work...



Desmosedici is an appallingly cool piece of kit. In the car world, this is akin to Lewis Hamilton sticking a numberplate on his Merc F1 W06 and popping down the shops for a pint of milk. This Ducati is a racer on the road, lights and plate notwithstanding. Awesome





Sooooooo, we're right about at the end now. On the whole, the day left me with mixed feelings. It's a fantastic gathering of all the disparate elements of motorsport from the relatively mundane streetcar to the money-no-object supercar to the exotic one-off racer... BUT there was definitely a feeling that the depth of field was not as profound as it has been in previous years. Some of the shock and awe was missing. And it's fantastic being able to stand inches away from full-on monsters honking away from the line... IF you could actually get anywhere near the bloody line. It's a bit like prog rock; superb in parts but ultimately slightly disappointing and irritating.

However, my dear departed ol' Granny always used to tell me to end on a song... and to wash behind my ears. Like, why? Anyone looking behind my ears has enough deep-seated issues that the relative cleanliness of the side of my head is frankly the least of their problems. Anyway, the song I'm still stuck with is still Bauhaus' She's In Parties so that's no help. I've still got the 7" of that, I mean of what earthly use is a 7" single in this day and age?

We'd better end on a high, then, and I have a couple here for your viewing pleasure. First up is the most awesomest thing on two wheels. Yeah, they probably cheated their way into BSB on a lie over engine displacement. And yeah, they were flawed in so many ways... engine cooling, oiling, ferocious noise... And yeah, the financial strain was enough to drag the factory down yet again. But just look at them. If there's a better match than the evil all-black JPS livery and the insane poetic geometry of the rotary engine then I don't want to know about it because I can ogle this Norton NRS all day and die happy without caring if there's anything beyond







..and finally. If ever a car encapsulated the spirit the Trials embody then it's this one. This 1950s Allard J2 would give Sydney Allard himself a warm feeling all over, given how he didn't give two hoots about how you made a car fast as long as it was fast. The "Old Fella" has changed a bit since it left the dealership over half a century ago; it now has a 7.3 litre Chevy V8, for example, and bodywork modified to... well, work. It's been to Bonneville, it's been to just about every track and set speed markers much newer and "better" machines struggle to match. It's hit speeds just under 200mph! And it's a few decades younger than its pilot, the legendary Jim Tiller, the real "old fella".

Oh, and by the way, fastest time of the day? Allard J2, driven by Jim Tiller. Two second 60-foot. 131.5mph terminal speed. 10.43 second elapsed time. In a 65-year old car. On a public road, with iron stanchions a few feet away. Think about it...








So that was our day done. We pottered along the seafront past the holidaymakers and remnants of last night's hen parties blinking blearily in the sporadic sun, past the bloke still carving a bag of sand into a large dog (he was there last year, maybe he only does dogs), past the swamis doing a levitation display and all the other sometimes bizarre, sometimes tawdry, always interesting sights Brighton has to offer. We stopped off, as promised, in the mall at the Lego Store and invested in some Scooby Doo Lego for the Boy (Scooby Doo Lego! Life doesn't get much better than that). Ada got a replacement for his Chewbacca keyring, the old one of which had lost his legs and not in a good way. I got a Wonder Woman keyring for my school bag because it's the closest I'll ever get to taking Lynda Carter home with me every day.

Mmmmm. Lynda Carter...

Thanks as always for your company. Until next time, stay funky, groovers