Tristan's Transvestite project

[tristanh]

bit of a blast from the past here , a project I has a while back . Hope you guys don't mind me copying and pasting.

New/Old Service Barge.. Project Transvestite.
It all started with a car mag..PPC to be exact.

My Dad had bought a beaut of a Mk1 Escort rally car , and I started rallying the Ka... The only thing we had for towing the Trailer was a Seat Inca . It had'nt the size , or power , or any coolness , so we started thinking outside the box for alternatives .
Priorities were....
1. Inner Space , for all the rallying gear , plus room for 4 to sit .
2. Had to be cool.
3. Had to be reasonably reliable , and cheap to run .
4. Had to be cool.
5. Had to RWD , for traction when pulling the trailer .
6. Had to be cool .
7. Had to cheap enough to justify having , for limited amounts of use.
8. Had to be cool .

So with that criteria , and obviously points 2, 4, 6, and 8 being most important , we went looking........... And over the bank Holiday weekend , Myself and Dougal (my best mate and able henchman) flew waaaayyy down the south of Germany , hired a car to Oberndorf... and collected this beasty .




So , as you see , we decided on a Mk1 Transit . less than 20,000km on the clock , 1971 , ex Fire service Tender vehicle. Minter inside and out , a floor and sills to make an Escort owner Weep..... We specifically wanted a twin wheeler , as the Arches on these were apparently what the first Bubble Arches on mk1 Escorts were based on.

[tristanh]

Biggest problem on the (long!) drive home was the low diff.... top cruising speed , well for my Eardrums sake , was about 50mph... and it was 2000 km back to home.






It was an interesting drive , if somewhat drawn out.... I was ever so glad of Dougal's company . No Radio! We hit off from the Dealer, who was probably the shadiest, dodgiest organisation in Europe LOL at about 11 am , and after a few hours were into France for the long haul up the Froggy Country . Van drove faultlessly , apart from the brakes pulling sharply to the right... And I mean sharply! Especially seeing as we were passing signs for ski lifts... and heading downhill.... at one stage I announced to Dougal we'd stop for a few minutes to admire a lake. He was a bit puzzled , as I'm the sort who normally drives non stop , only pulling in for fuel or ferries. I couldn't tell him that I'd almost no brakes left.... I'd nearly bent the pedal trying to hold the van back!
We thankfully got out of the mountains and onto motorway soon after.
Temp gauge never rose over a third , and wasn't even hard on fuel! Even in traffic! Thank *...and it was glorious weather.

after singing the first few bars of this a few dozen times the fun waned a little!


Actually, on the Dealer, and the spin...


We bought this over the web from a car dealer, who turned out to be the shiftiezt looking bunch I've ever seen! They had at least a hundred cars to sell, mostly left field classics. "Yes yes the van is fine , I checked it"
Funny how the English broke down when I started asking awkward questions !

And the form was a bit dazed , as I was * Ed tired. Myself and Dougal flew out in the afternoon before, got the hire car and up to the town where they were. Thinking, grand , we'll find a hotel or BnB and get some rest. Hmmm.... Man plans and God Laughs!

We failed to find ANYWHERE open! Literally not even the dodgy places!

Not even a restaurant.

Eventually we knocked on the door of a Chinese that had noise and music going inside , they seemed surprised but let us in, turns out they were having a private party for opening!
We were feeling sorry for ourselves and without a plan, so over the longest , slowest meal we could manage ... We resigned ourselves to the last resort.

Yeah , that sinking feeling when you know you have to spend the night in the car.

So we parked up , near the aforementioned dodgy-dealer , and tried to sleep
I suppose you could say we half slept, as Dougal did, and I didn't!
I love this guy like a brother, but by 5am, after listening to him "choo" like a TDi on breathing out , and snorting like a 3 cylinder Lister on breathing in, I came close to killing him!!

Honestly don't think I got a half hours kip that night. But the morning (eventually) came bright and sunny so I put on a smile for the adventure ahead.

Anyways, sorry, but back to the story.

So work started apace on the Thursday night after we got it home , stripped the shelves out of the inside , and started sanding . Removed the arches for painting , one of them needed minor repair and filling . Luckily they're only bolted on , no glue or welding .

[tristanh]

So as explained above , I was a little "rough" around the edges after we got going. After about 4 hours driving I says to Dougal , who had the map out on his lap " Where are we now?"
"here" , he says , with his finger on the lower end of the page.
"what??!!" sez I ..."where were we at yer man's garage?"
"Here!" he says , putting his finger a couple of inches lower.
"And where are we heading for?" I ask , not sure if I want the truth...
"Here" he says , again... putting a finger on the top of the page!
"Fcccccuuuk , we're NEVER gonna get home!" I burst out.

I swear a little part of me died inside..

Anyway, pictures!












As you can see, it was really sound.


Inside the arches was mint , so a quick rub down , then 2 coats of Body Shutz , and the same inside the arch flares .

Rest of the body rubbed down by Friday , only welding was about 3 inches in the RHS footwell , a bit of filler to smooth it , and about 3 more small spots where the rust bubbles were deep . But i mean tiny spots now . I was vibrating from the orbital sander for hours after! Lol

Once we were happy with the sanding and smoothing , a good sweep of the garage , a wipe down with clean rags... and left it for the night. Or early morning , to be honest...

Next day , After work , the dust was well settled , so a good wipe over a couple of times with Panel Wipe. To remove any waxes or silicones that would cause reactions in the paint.



No point in shying back from it at this stage seeing as it was the weekend ,and bear in mind I've to earn a living during the week so we pressed on . , after lots of fruitless phone calls to mates who spray cars , I lashed out the trusty spray gun and Face mask myself . Into the breach once more as they say.... Now I only ever sprayed Agri stuff so wasn't really looking forward to this tbh.

Lack of experience with 2 pack paint was the problem, I'd only used enamel and cellulose 1k previously.

[tristanh]

Another memory of the trip....

So flat out at 80 kph for what seemed like the longest day of my life , with the engine roaring and Dougal intermittently snoring , not sure which was worse.... We eventually got to Calais . We got a few funny looks in the port , but were soon on board to Dover . I grabbed a half hour of overdue snoozing on the boat , then stoked up on Espresso and RedBull and hit across the UK around half 1 in the morning IIRC. TBH , I was a mite concerned about the cops , not for being caught speeding , but for the fact we still had a blue light on top , and only temporary German plates on! But away we cruised , I have a thing about getting past the London ring road , the M25 before stopping , so the first motorway service I spotted after that , in we wheeled. I was well fc00ked at this stage , drunk with tiredness, and probably bordering on unsafe.
Without any ceremony , I lay across the rear floor , and tried to get a nap. only to be woken what seemed like a couple of mins later by my trusty sidekick , who was brandishing a broken dipstick tube.
"I said I'd check the oil and water, and this came off in my hand."
I may have invented a few new swear words right then! After a lot of faffing around , mostly staring blankly at it... I coerced a couple of RAC or AA guys who by chance pulled in near us into giving me some chemical metal , which I bodged the tube back in approximately the right place. They only gave it to me as they remembered the mk1s when they had them as new!
"Now , don't feckin touch that again!" I warned him.
"will it work?" he said , feeling guilty , even though it wasn't his fault
"She'll go or she'll blow!" was all I replied.

Anyway... the story is getting long here , suffice to say we got it home , no other maladies , and boy were we glad to see our beds that night

[tristanh]

so , last pictorial post above , I was forced into picking up my spray gun .
Dampened the floor to try keep the dust down , fired up the workshop heater and the space heater , even though it was summer (rookie mistake no.1), and then this started to happen....





luckily the van was already grey inside so it was easy to blend in the primer around the door shuts



the primer dries very fast , and we had the heating on in the shed (which mas a mistake I found out later, all day so it dried extra quick . Happy with the primer , but still there were a few runs and dust in the paint...... So about 11pm out came the 1500 grit , and we flatted it all back to leave a nice smooth "key" for the top coat . Yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...............

Had to careful around areas like the grille , so as not to sand away the primer on the edges.




Loads of ringing around on Saturday and Sunday to my mates and acquaintances who paint/spray..... ended up fruitless...

DoH!

I needed the garage for 1st thing Monday , so nothing for it only to don the mask and pick up the spray gun again....sigh . A rub down with Panel Wipe and into the breech once more.

there was a mix up (that is , I forgot to get enough!) with the paint , I didn't think there was enough top coat , so I "coloured" the primer with a layer of Diamond white



before applying the finish of Ermine white, which is a proper retro Ford white. Despite the name , Ermine is a "whiter" white than Diamond.

[rblote]

I LOVE this van. It's awesome!!!
Great story, great car!!

I would love to own one. My dream Transit is almost what you have but I want one with sliding doors. As a young kid I always thought it it would be awesome to drive your car with the doors open.....

[peter96]

Great story great van. Can't beat a Mk1 Tranny

[tristanh]

Thanks everyone.

[SmokeEm]

More please

[underhauled]

Hey don't I know you?

I'll read it again over here.

[kevstarlet]

Nice. Love the early transits. Are you from Ireland?

[tristanh]

SmokeEm
More coming!

underhauled
Have we met? Lol
How's the mk2 coming along?

kevstarlet,
Tipperary man.

[underhauled]

Jan 21, 2017 17:27:57 GMT tristanh said:

SmokeEm
More coming!

underhauled
Have we met? Lol
How's the mk2 coming along?

kevstarlet,
Tipperary man.

Don't mention the war. I've been tied up with conversion harnesses and haven't given her much attention.

[tristanh]

Motivation cn be lacking....


I was gutted with the final result.... reactions in the paint , runs , and dirt . A bad workman blames his tools , but I Problems with the spray gun (not mine for this coat) , flies on suicide missions..............AAAAAAAAaaarrrrrrrghhhhhhh!! !!!!!! Sickened.
And if the truth be told , my own inexperience was a lot of it. Too much heat in the shed , had the 2 pack simply drying too fast , it was impossible to keep "wet" paint to wet , as the size of the panels meant the paint was nearly dry by the time you got from one side to the other!

see here for an example.


and lots of "haziness" or dullness in the paint where the overspray was going onto paint that had dried a little.

Excuse the dirty nails , thats paint ground in under my nails , with dust and grime stuck to that.


I just wasn't happy with the job , but Dad and Dougal were complimentary , so we painted the bumpers and refitted them , and popped back on the arches and lights etc. I hated the dullness of it though , especially if anyone was to ask who painted it!


you can see in that pic how it just didn't gleam like as it would if the likes of a pro painter had wielded his spray gun.


sigh........... nothing for it , I decided , after a few days of dirty looks at the van , that it had to "fixed" . If not made perfect , at least improved . We rubbed the whole van down with 1500 and 2000 grit wet sandpaper , to smooth and flat the imperfections in the paint . After that , a good wash to remove the scum from sanding....


And break out the heavy duty rotary polisher!

[underhauled]

Do you guys still have this Tristan?

[tristanh]

You'll also see the beacon became green , and as said above we refitted the bumpers and lights etc . The bumpers also got a coat of dark Ford Blue .

Also From the original colour scheme , I changed the headlamp surrounds , by removing the paint 'round the glass . IMHO it looks better in silver , against the white . They are alloy pressings , so a rub of Nitromors sorted them . Back when Nitromors actually worked!

so lots of rubbing compound...




lots of elbow grease from me and my rally navi Keith.


Certainly one way to build up the biceps!
Hopefully ye can spot the Before and After differences in the below two photos .

Before



After


Once the lot was mopped and compounded , out with Autoglym's finest , for a layer of wax polish .



now the van was semi reasonable , next jobs were the wheels and hubs . I decided eventually on silver for the wheels as the Escort has Silver wheels . And the blue hubs , same as the bumpers , sets it off .





Tidied it up no end!

[tristanh]

Ta - Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... coming together now!

I adjusted the brakes while the wheels were off , and changed the oils etc , but curse word all servicing was needed .

One thing that bugged me was how it didn't want to come out of gear when changing up or down , ~I popped the box off to see was the clutch sticking on the splines , but all was ok..

Seeing as the van is both a Promo tool , and a service van , we liveried it with our own company logos , as well as the Escort's style of stripes and stickers . Then we added the Rally Sport touches , to identify it with , well , rallying... It won't always have a rally car on tow behind it :lol:

So from red Fire engine van..... to....

this.







My Dad was playing with it , shelving the back , fitting a retro style CB radio , well just because!

And Spotlamp brackets , for my lovely new 9 inch lamps...





The slightly older amongst us should recognise the livery... And guess why we used it...

[tristanh]

A nice replica of Sir Roger's car, RS shell, running all classic Grp4 running gear, 1.6 BDA alloy block, 5 speed Zf box, Wide Atlas, slipper leaves, revved to 9500 in every gear, 200 bhp. Still the most adrenaline inducing engine I've had the pleasure to wring out. The most amazing, intoxicating, electrifying sound.

When it and the van were together, it garnered a bit of attention.

Oh, and did I mention the road car? 😀








The road car was almost totally stock, genuine rs1600, on Webers.

[melle]

Nice one. V4?

[tristanh]

An earthshattering v4 1.7!