fad
Posted a lot
Posts: 1,781
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So. T'other day I was getting ready for work. Missus had scooted off in her car already. Now I usually get the bus to work (yup... I'm one of those guys... A buswankėr. I even have a buspass which makes me a card carrying weapons grade buswankėr). Bit when I have the kids I drive and park near the school so I can get the bus to the school and drive them home (school is 15 miles away).
So looking around for my car keys and can't find them. Ring and text the missus, she doesn't respond (too many lectures about phones and driving). Ring the unit I work on my car in, no joy there. But I did have my service key which lacks any transponder etc. So,bit the bullet and called a mobile locksmith to come put a transponder in my key. Of course this wipes all other transponders and costs me £70.
Got to work. Missus texts "I have your key I used it to get into your car to get the tyre pump... Where is your spare?" - lost my spare weeks ago just not got around to replacing it...
I find my spare 2 days later in the pocket of a coat I forgot I owned cos I rarely wear it.
So now I have three keys and only one works and the whole episode cost me £70, half a days work and my sanity.
I sulked that day. Hard.
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Last Edit: Mar 23, 2017 8:23:31 GMT by fad
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rude
Part of things
Posts: 537
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I put things away for safe keeping, mainly ID stuff, and then when I go to need them... they are missing. I blame the kids, the cat, get brave and blame the missis, the state of the house, politics, weather and pretty much trash the place in a rage trying to find the things I need. Then I find them where I left them. There are exceptions though, the land rover keys went missing, I done as above and 3 or so hours later found them in the recycling wheely bin, and that's not my fault because if the kids got off of there arses and actually done some chores then I wouldn't have to rush around like a headless chicken leaving my stuff everywhere.
Speaking of the landrover, I got a call from the missis and she explained how she had driven to the kids school, collected them and now the car won't start. She couldn't even get lights and stuff to come on, the key was stuck, her friends had tried, the steering wheel had fallen off, nuclear bomb gone off in the boot... whatever, so I left work, drove about 20 miles with no fuel in the car and got to the school, put the key in, took the steering wheel off 'LOCK' and started the car.
EDIT: And when the kids play sick note, you don't believe them and carry on as normal and then a day later they projectile vomit inside the front third of the car from the back seat. And when one of them looks a bit green around the gills on the way to training, you tell them to hang on...' we're nearly there'! Get in the car park, get out the car, touch the rear door handle and.... BAAAARRRGGHHHHHHH! It's hard not to find the nearest brick and smash yourself in the face with it sometimes...
EDIT2: Or when you cleaned the car at the weekend and it just has that tiny film of dirt on it from a couple of drives and you come out in the morning and find a tiny noughts and crosses board or willy and balls has been drawn on the bonnet... no one even knows how that happened do they???
I'm going to lay down now...
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Last Edit: Mar 23, 2017 9:00:07 GMT by rude
1986 Haunted BMW E24 635CSi 1999 Povo spec BMW E36 1.8i Touring Work Hack 2001 Petrol annihilating Discovery V8 2000 Jaguar S Type 3.0 V6 ~NEW~
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The Netherlands 1988-89
Offender: Citroen Visa front left coil. Accomplice: Coil compressor Victim of crime: Wooden shoe wearing young man. Me! Out come of assault for Victim : Massive dent in passenger door
Offender 1 breaks coil. Offender 2 doesn't keep compression on coil. Coil jumps out of compressor in to face of Wooden shoe wearing young man.... Young man kicks door. Result.... Massive dent in passenger door.
Man, did that hurt. I never liked that car since and is the only car I brought to the wreckers myself!
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Davey
Posted a lot
Resident Tyre Nerd.
Posts: 2,208
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Get in car, drive to work. Get out of car, close door. Walk around to passenger side, get out assorted curse word. lean over and lock drivers door. push barrel down on passenger door. Close passenger door. Happily tootle into work for a day of merry baking and customer service.... Wonder where keys are at end of work, locked in the car, in the ignition with a now flat battery.
Thus resulting in me breaking into my own car on a busy high street, with a bread knife and then getting a group of half drunk students to bump start the car...
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K11 Micra x3 - Mk3 astra - Seat Marbella - Mk6 Escort estate - B5 Passat - Alfa 156 estate - E36 compact Mk2 MR2 T-bar - E46 328i - Skoda Superb - Fiat seicento - 6n2 Polo - 6n polo 1.6 - Mk1 GS300 EU8 civic type S - MG ZT cdti - R56 MINI Cooper S - Audi A3 8p - Jaguar XF (X250) - FN2 Civic Type R - Mk2 2.0i Ford Focus
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fad
Posted a lot
Posts: 1,781
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Get in car, drive to work. Get out of car, close door. Walk around to passenger side, get out assorted curse word. lean over and lock drivers door. push barrel down on passenger door. Close passenger door. Happily tootle into work for a day of merry baking and customer service.... Wonder where keys are at end of work, locked in the car, in the ignition with a now flat battery. Thus resulting in me breaking into my own car on a busy high street, with a bread knife and then getting a group of half drunk students to bump start the car... My old 'rocco... I managed (don't ask how) to do exactly this in the local Aldi car park, but the engine was left running... Same, I had to break in to the car with some clever trickery (and it was damned clever if I do say so myself! No, I'm not gonna tell you how, but I will say that early Golfs and Sciroccos are NOT at all secure when you stop and think outside the box for a moment...) Ok, i feel it needs something of an explanation... So... The ignition. I had a dodgy ignition barrel, sometimes it would turn the starter motor, sometimes it wouldn't. So the fix when it was grumpy was: ignition in the barrel turn the key open bonnet take short length of wire short starter solenoid to battery close bonnet drive off Now, for times when I was nipping to the shops, and only needed to pop in, this was a right pain in the boobies. So I carried my spare key. Leave engine running, lock car, go into shop, unlock, drive off. Simples! This time... Park car Leave running Lock with spare key Pop into Aldi Buy bread, milk and eggs and a bottle of wine Open boot with spare key Put goods in boot drop key in boot as I put goods in there close boot spot key in boot just as it passes the point of no return Swear. Lots.
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Paul
Posted a lot
Posts: 1,907
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Cars that have automatic deadlocks.
I'm a 'leave the key in the ignition' sorta guy - at least then I know where it is.
So at work I went to the aid of a damsel in distress with a flat tyre - bolts are seized on but I happen upon a length of scaffold pipe, jack the car, get the wheel off...all blindly unaware that the relatively new Passat has locked itself shut with the key in the ignition. Information that said damsel could have passed on sooner...
So what do I get for all my good work? A shedload of tears and a 90 minute round trip to get the spare key from her house.
The moral of the story is - never try to help anyone. Ever.
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Davey
Posted a lot
Resident Tyre Nerd.
Posts: 2,208
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Cars that have automatic deadlocks. I'm a 'leave the key in the ignition' sorta guy - at least then I know where it is. So at work I went to the aid of a damsel in distress with a flat tyre - bolts are seized on but I happen upon a length of scaffold pipe, jack the car, get the wheel off...all blindly unaware that the relatively new Passat has locked itself shut with the key in the ignition. Information that said damsel could have passed on sooner... So what do I get for all my good work? A shedload of tears and a 90 minute round trip to get the spare key from her house. The moral of the story is - never try to help anyone. Ever. I used to look after a fleet of newish BMW's that all did this, almost every week one of the lads would come over looking sheepish. After several different attempts to get in we perfected the coat hanger fishing technique to the point that the boss wouldn't even know you'd done it.
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K11 Micra x3 - Mk3 astra - Seat Marbella - Mk6 Escort estate - B5 Passat - Alfa 156 estate - E36 compact Mk2 MR2 T-bar - E46 328i - Skoda Superb - Fiat seicento - 6n2 Polo - 6n polo 1.6 - Mk1 GS300 EU8 civic type S - MG ZT cdti - R56 MINI Cooper S - Audi A3 8p - Jaguar XF (X250) - FN2 Civic Type R - Mk2 2.0i Ford Focus
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miaspa
Part of things
Posts: 829
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Mar 23, 2017 12:09:34 GMT
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Ford Streetka has no outside release for the boot it either opens remotely from key or from the lock which is between the seats in lockable box.
Putting my laptop and a couple of files in the boot I put the keys down. Closed the boot lid and realised keys are in the boot. Car is unlocked roof down, but no way of getting in boot.
Weighing up my options spare key is at home 90 miles away, none of the lads in the factory I was visiting would admit to being able to break in. They already took the curse word outa me for the Streetka, the fact I'd locked my keys in the boot made it even better.
This is when I had my eureka moment, I had only one key when I got the car and had a new one done at Timpsons. When they did this they gave me a card with a code. Supposedly with this code Timpsons could cut me another key. Hunted through the curse word in the car and found the receipt and card. Cadged a lift to local branch £5 on key, with no chip.
Amazingly key worked and unlocked box then unlocked boot. I kept that key hidden in the car after that, no immobiliser chip so wouldn't start the car, must have used it three or four times. I never learn.
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Found my flashing Pao again.
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Mar 23, 2017 12:33:08 GMT
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I had a bit of money come in and told SWMBO she could have a new car, she selected a Picasso 2.0l VTR Auto. After lots of searching, found the perfect (WTF, it's a Picasso!!!!) car in Leyland Lancashire so we drive up 180 miles and it's a minter, 6 years old, 1 owner, 50k miles, FSH, all the paperwork, new battery, not a mark on it and a trade price of a mere £3k! Buy it and bring it home, lovely! Its due a service and the front pads are low, take it into the workshop, where the **** is the locking wheelnut key? Order a new key from Citroen, 5 days and £60 later it arrives. The first locking nut I try to undo rounds off and has to be drilled out, 3 hours, several drill bits and much swearing later the wheel is off. During the rest of the service, I found the ORIGINAL locking wheelnut key under the floor in the rear footwell, GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! Steve
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heathrobinson
Part of things
Broken everything
Posts: 848
Club RR Member Number: 111
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Mar 23, 2017 16:34:51 GMT
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Enter the sierra. Supposedly, this is the car that works while I'm sorting out the Capri. Supposedly.
Disassemble many parts of the engine chasing lumpy idle, poor starting, and an annoying misfire - discover a series of bodges by previous owners (Who melts the lambda boss into the pipe at an angle, then thinks "If I cross-thread the sensor, then weld that in too, that should be ok, right?" Bellend). Correct many bodges, find that the guy I'd recently paid quite a chunk of cash to to (unsuccessfully) sort these issues had not only lost the fuel cap, and part of the NOS setup, he's also not plugged the main ECU plug in properly, which explains why it took me so long to hunt down a non-existant TPS fault. Curse his name in many dead languages, and go on to fit many new sensors, and a new Fuel Pressure Regulator (the old one had a nick out of the little O-ring, and I can't find those anywhere!), reassemble.
Does it start? Does it hell. Cue much poking of the wires, wiggling of the sensors, checking of impedances, voltages, and earth connections. Cue checking EVERY SENSOR WIRE IN THE ENGINE LOOM! Cue much anger, wailing, gnashing of teeth, general dismay, and a rapid approach to the end of the much-frayed tether.
Enter Friend of Level Head, who helps me work out that the spark is strong, and there's definitely fuel. So why don't it run?!
We tried turning it over with the inlet fanimold off, and had a look at the injector's output. There's definitely fuel coming out of them, but rather than a fine mist, it looks like 6 teenagers hocking phlegm down the inlet runners. Gurt dollops of fuel getting chucked down there. So, have a look at the FPR. Identical to the one I took out in every dimension, except that the little spigot at the business end is a few mm smaller than the original. What? Why? Terse email to supplier, claims that "That can't be wrong, they're all the same size" by return email. Photo proof, supplier eventually accedes to my most unreasonable demands of a refund. Tit.
So, 1.75 weeks after starting, that quick afternoon's job is done. Breath sigh of relief, wait for next silly breakdown.
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Del
South East
Posts: 1,448
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Mar 23, 2017 17:02:16 GMT
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Take the wife for a hospital appointment, and our trusty steed at the time was a Triumph Acclaim. Appointment done, had a cup of tea and a slice of cake, got back to the car. 'Pass us the car keys.' 'I haven't got them.' 'Yes you have. I always give you the keys.' This is because I had about nineteen key fobs on the keyring and it looked like something a ninja warrior could hurl through the trunk of a tree. 'Not today, you didn't.' Look inside the car. There's the keys, in the ignition. As it happens, it's also a beautifully warm spring day, and the sunroof was still open. So, climb up the back of the car, lie on the roof, reach down through the open sunroof and pop open the door.
And no-one batted an eyelid...
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Davey
Posted a lot
Resident Tyre Nerd.
Posts: 2,208
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Mar 23, 2017 22:33:22 GMT
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This is quickly becoming a favourite thread for me. Unfortunately I have many antics to add shortly.
Including just this afternoon. Book the ladyships car in for an mot Saturday. Good things it's a low mile relatively modern made. Check car over. Oh well we need a bottom ball joint. That's fine I'll just sort that tonight so it's all good for the mot.
Step one. Remove wheel.
Step two. Search every known orifice of the car for the locking wheel nut key.
Step three. Despair at the lack locking wheel nut key.
Step four. Hammer socket onto looking wheel nut only for it to spin on the collar anyway.
Step five. I can take a bottom arm off with the wheel on right?
Step six. Rapidly approaching darkness and window peaking neighbours witness the success of a slightly grubby man dancing around his drive way wielding what can only be described, to the non car savvy, as a rusty sickle. Cheering in delight and relief at the successful removal with the wheel on.
Only need to refit the new one now...
And get the wheel nuts removed.
And repair the alloy that may have been on the receiving end of a poorly aimed hammer blow.
Then happy mot time!..... Maybe.
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K11 Micra x3 - Mk3 astra - Seat Marbella - Mk6 Escort estate - B5 Passat - Alfa 156 estate - E36 compact Mk2 MR2 T-bar - E46 328i - Skoda Superb - Fiat seicento - 6n2 Polo - 6n polo 1.6 - Mk1 GS300 EU8 civic type S - MG ZT cdti - R56 MINI Cooper S - Audi A3 8p - Jaguar XF (X250) - FN2 Civic Type R - Mk2 2.0i Ford Focus
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bstardchild
Club Retro Rides Member
Posts: 14,894
Club RR Member Number: 71
Member is Online
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Mar 23, 2017 23:26:01 GMT
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Quite a few but none really make me angry (frustrated, slightly annoyed, irked and maybe assist me to turn to drink but never really angry so if that's acceptable I'll continue)
I've a small affinity for Vauxhall Opel straight sixes - I like the CIH's but the 24 valvers are what really float my boat however they do have a little Achilles heel - they based the engine design on the CIH but dropped the duplex timing chain (double row chain) and went for a simplex one (single row chain) This in itself wouldn't have been a problem if they had made it out of something stronger than chocolate..... So I got quite good at changing them (I've had a few of them over the years)
Now the job is relatively straightforward and can be done with engine in the car and I built up an arsenal of modified tools to help with the job - spanners with welder modified crank angles, crank locking tools, pin extractors and a range of torx/allen bits that have been welded into sockets (mainly due to that damn things drop out of sockets when they are extracted and that can be a pain.
Doing my last Senator 24V I had misplaced the modified allen/socket bit I normally use to fit the top chain tensioner so I grabbed a non modified one - now the top chain tensioner is the last thing to put in when almost everything is done and you can drop the rocker cover on and fire the engine up
I can still here the bit dropping down the front timing cover and bouncing around on the way down.......... Sometimes it's the noise that you hear that helps you realise where it ended up - in my case the unmistakeable of bit hitting tin - the sump splash guard....
I went and had a brew.......... And several smokes
then pulled out the drain plug and dropped the oil
Not in the oil
Then I had a fish around in the sump with a magnetic want
Not in the sump
Then I went and had a brew and several smokes
So it looked like sump off but there is a level sensor in the sump near the splash guard so I took that out and waved the magnetic wand around to be rewarded with a snap sound and out the level sensor hole came the allen bit
All went back together quite quickly after that and was running sweet shortly after.
Why was I irked as it sounds like a result
Bloody level sensor never leaked up untill them - never stopped the damn thing leaking after that........ Bloody car marked it's territory like a tom cat and it had been an oil tight one up till that day and that's quite unusual.........
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Mar 23, 2017 23:38:02 GMT
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Keys seem to be a theme... BMW E36 328i, drove it home, parked it on the drive, went indoors - all fine so far. Went to go out a few days later, no sign of the car keys (where they normally are, or in the jeans I was wearing, or down the back of the sofa, or anywhere else in the house - and I checked everywhere a few times) Didn't have a spare key (not quite true - I got the car with only 1 key - soon ordered a spare from BMW using logbook/passport/chassis ID, it turned up fine but wouldn't fit - maybe locks had been changed?), after about a week I asked around to see about rekeying the car and got told about £1200 for new keys / transponder /ecu etc Found the keys a couple of weeks later on the drive almost under the front bumper of the car Same deal - different car (pre-transponder Retro) - parked it up at home as normal, then used public transport for a few days to go to work.Went to drive it a week later, had the keyring but ignition key was missing. Spent a fee days hunting around the house to see if it had dropped off the keyring indoor. Couldn't find it, eventually resorted to some fairly major "customisation" so I could drive the car.Found the ignition key under the boot carpet a couple of month later Different 60s daily (saloon). Went visiting family for christmas, couldn't find my car keys so took the spare set. No problems at all until I needed to put petrol in it, and discovered the only petrol cap key was on the keyring I had left home without Simple to fix - open boot - remove filler neck from inside the boot - fill direct from pump into the tank I bame the gremlins - normally they play with my car engines/suspension/steering/electics, guess they like to try keys occasionally Tyres @ RRG16 (600 mile round trip if I go direct ). You know the con artist trick with 3 coconut shells - marble under 1 - swap them around on a table? Keep that in mind... Got a flat tyre - swapped spare ok - pulled into next services to pump up the flat as a "just in case" spare. Got another flat - swapped (re-inflated) spare ok - pulled into next services to pump up the new flat as another "just in case" spare. Got another flat - swapped again - pulled into next services... Repeat, and repeat again ... I think I ended up with 2 "dud" tyres that had been blown up about 5 tiimes between them. Got back home with no flat tyres - go the problem wheels checked - no punctures, leaks, no explanation why they had gone flat I now carry 2 spares and an inflator on RRG trips Never a dull day
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Jobs that are needlessly awkward. In all the years ive had cars the starter motor has usualy been in plain sight, certainly on minis and maxis, which was quite handy as they had a habit of packing up, and being replaced with cheap autojumble spec recon units which would also foul up. But it was easy, two bolts and away you go. Fast forward to more recent times and I'm bombing about in a micra. It develops a tendancy to not turn over when its hot, but starts on the button every time as soon as it does eventualy turn over. Battery was tested and found to be a little tired, got a new one but the problem returns. I decide its the starter. Time to get a new starter. Time to look for the starter. Where is the starter? No really where the hell is the starter. After about half an hour of searching for the starter and refusing to get the haynes manual to tell me where the starter is. I soon relent and get the manual, only for it to tell me its up the back of the engine under the manifold. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!? Its a 'slide under the car and get to it from underneath' job, which then requires two people to do it. Luckily i have a low mileage scrapper the same age so i took the starter off that. Awkward, but alls well and good. Get to my car. It has air con. All the pipes and gubbins in place are right in the way of the bolt heads. Why!?! Once ive gone to the trouble of getting round to do it I bloody hope its the starter thats the problem and not something else!
Other than that, breaking my thumb when trying to put a stainless steel exhaust on a mini really funglebucked me off. Cheers dad.
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Unfortunately, I can play this game. Newly acquired Range Rover p38. Now before you all start finger pointing, it did exactly what it should do, I’d just never owned one before. I was flying to Denmark for a week’s work and arrived at Manchester Airport’s long stay car park only to find it closed for resurfacing. The nice man gave me a piece of paper and sent me to the short stay instead. I found a spot and switched the interior light on to see what he’d given me and it turned out to be instructions on how to claim the difference in cost (not insignificant) between long and short stay. Good stuff. Jumped out, got bags, spent a week trying to drink the Radisson Scandinavia dry and flew home on the Friday afternoon. Put a fortune in the machine for parking and head over to the car. Pointed the remote and nothing. Well, if you will leave the interior light on for five days, what do you expect? Open door with the key, put bag in the car and call Green Flag. They duly arrive about an hour later and we put jump leads on the battery. Now energised, the door locks return to their previous energised state, i.e., Superlocked. Deep Joy. Green Flag man shakes his head and says he’s got another shout to go to. Ring the ex, who puts the spare keys in a taxi and sends it out to me. Around an hour later, taxi arrives and I open the door again, retrieving the original key. So now I’ve got two sets of keys and a still flat battery. I climb over the seats, grovel around in the back for a while and finally retrieve my jump leads. No, I can’t just open the tailgate, it’s on a solenoid. No battery, see? Just then, a guy walks over to the car next to me and I ask if I can cadge a jump start from him. Obligingly, he lets me hook up and I start to look forward to my first pint on achieving home. Poor deluded fool. Beep “Engine Disabled – Enter EKA Code.” Erm, sorry, come again? Beep “Engine Disabled – Enter EKA Code.” Okay, okay. Now, WTF is an EKA Code when it’s at home? I smile at my white knight and spin him a story about it’s obviously more serious than just the battery, just so I don’t look a complete and utter t*at. He no doubt, goes off down his local to tell everyone not to buy a P38! I dig out the handbook and read the section on ‘Emergency Access”, now I know what an EKA is and how to enter it as well, great. Except I have no idea what the number is. I ring the garage I bought the vehicle from. They have all gone home. I notice it’s now gone dark, so I give up and do the same. The taxi driver wants to take me to Bolton, I want to go to Bollington. There is a language barrier that somehow we must both jump. I remember why I choose to drive to the airport now. Eventually, with the translation skills of a fellow cabbie, we go on our way. The following morning sees me back at Manchester Airport “short” stay car park with a spare battery. I get hold of the garage. “Yeah, all you need to do is go to Land Rover with proof of ownership and they’ll give you the EKA.” Simple? “Problem is, apart from the nearest dealer being several miles away, that the log-book hasn’t come back yet, so I have no proof.” Sucking of teeth. “Tell you what, we’ll give them a call for you, we know the guys there.” An hour passes. Eventually, I get a call, am given the number and send my heartfelt thanks. EKA entered, as per the manual and up she fires. Hallelujah! Drive out of the car park and arrive at the pay booth. Have a very long and involved conversation about what’s happened, have to pay as if I’d lost the ticket, “”s’all I can do Boss”, and finally set off for home. I arrived just as the pub was opening, fine timing. I took the handbook in with me to see if there was anything else I should know and there, on the inside back cover, the previous owner had, very thoughtfully, written the EKA Code. I wept, my head banging gently on the bar, which strangely emptied. Two Three things come from this:- 1) a letter to those nice people at Manchester Airport parking setting out the tale of woe gets you a cheque by return of post and; 2) READ THE FRIGGING MANUAL! 3) I've disabled all this curse word on my current one.
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fad
Posted a lot
Posts: 1,781
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^you win.
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shin2chin
Part of things
Making curse word cars slightly better
Posts: 820
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Another key story... Drove my defender to the nursery to pick up my then 1 year old daughter. Open passenger door and whilst strapping in the sprog notice that I'd parked directly over a drain cover grill thing. Keys in mouth whilst doing up car seat straps and thinking to myself "god, imagine if I dropped the keys down there!" In the instant that thought crossed my mind in slow motion I see the keys fall and tinkle through the grate into the drain below. My defender is a 110 and had a fixed dog guard between the cab and the rear where my tools and stuff were. I looked down the drain grill and so so luckily it wasn't filled with water but leaves and I could just spot my keys. Getting dark now and baby getting restless. Tried to lift the cover but it was too heavy or stuck. Had a trolley jack handle behind the seat so tried to use thst to jemmy the grill up. No chance, bent handle. Grrrrr! Baby crying. Furtively looked round for a solution, getting more stressed by the minute I spy one of those bungee cords with the metal hooks on each end stuffed under the seat. Cue me lying on the pavement, baby crying in the passenger seat, passersby looking on, and fishing down a drain cover. It wasn't easy but finally got the keyring hooked and reeled in. The moral of this story is don't think about what could happen as it most likely will.
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1977 PORSCHE 2.0na 924 1974 VW Beetle 1600
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Curtis
Part of things
Posts: 622
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Not quite as bad as some, but I have a couple that both adam73bgt and Rafftank can attest to. 1) Relatively new driver, 1100cc 95 Fiesta (look hard enough you'll find the readers ride thread), and 85mph down the M1 overtaking a pair of lorries at 11pm. Engine starts losing speed rapidly, go to drop a gear and front wheels lock up as soon as a release the clutch. curse word. Put into neutral and coast to a halt in the hard shoulder. Mobile is dead, nearest sos box is about a quarter of a mile away. Call the number, "Do you have a contact number we can use?" The only one I know off by heart is my mothers. She shows up in her C-Max in a dressing gown at ~1am, accompanied by the highways agency. They very helpfully advise that they can't move the car for us but if its not off the hard shoulder in an hour we are liable for a fine. Cheers guys. Fortunately they were helpful enough to give us a tow rope. We limp the car to the next service station where a green flag van is waiting for us. (My mum believing she had green flag cover with her job, turns out she didn't). After lots of swearing and pushing and other such nonsense Mr Green Flag concedes defeat and loads the car onto his flatbed and we get taken home for me to inspect the following day. Completely dry of oil, pistons had seized solid. Funglebuck. 2) Crashed a recent acquisition within two months of owning it, eventually decided it would be better to break, lovely welded smooth bootlid on the car that would fetch a fair bit at the very least. Spend the day stripping parts with Adam when the light starts to go down. Battery has been removed so I locked the doors from the insides. Close the door and the second it shuts I realise whats happened. Yep, keys sat on the drivers seat. curse word. Lots of prying and pulling and a neighbor realises whats happened. He comes over and helps us pop the car open to help me get the keys out. By going through the smoothed bootlid, with a crow bar. Funglebuck. 3) Changing Coilovers on my old Ibiza (Again, readers rides). Fronts done just fine, start working on the rear. Unbolt the nearside rear strut nice and easy. Pull it out, and put the coilover in place. Jack up the axle slightly and put all the bolts in place. Lower the car back down, and swap to the other side. Unbolt everything as normal, though the strut is nowhere near as easily pulled out. Start clouting the strut with a mallet until BANG. Torsion Beam rear axle. The weight on the side with the coilover fitted fired the brake drum straight upwards as soon as the nearside strut was freed off. Hitting me square in the jaw. Funglebuck.
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Driving: Shitbox Honda S-MX
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Bottom arms on my Vectra B. This is fairly recent, you aren't allowed to laugh, I've never done them before. Cracked the 2 bolts at the back and loosened (this is key here) the balljoint pinch bolt. 4 solid hours with a fork and the ball joint was going nowhere. Bought a bigger hammer, still nothing. Now with a completely bolloxed balljoint i put it back together and walk to my mates garage to book it in before i buried a hammer in the windscreen. Told him what needed doing, first thing he said.. "you did pull the bolt all the way out didn't you, they're recessed and the balljoint won't go past the bolt".... Dashed back up to it and whipped the bolt ALL the way out, balljoint fell out of its own accord. Lesson learnt. I've only ever done ball joints that have a castle nut on the top before.
Also related to Vectra B ownership, the two bolts holding the cat to the centre section. They will without fail always snap. They can be brand new bolts, that you have only just put in, and they will still snap, i don't even attempt this job any more.
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