As a result of ever increasing congestion through the Cotswolds caused by my excessive car collection parked in the village street, I'm getting rid of a couple of my cars.
First a picture of the car in all its potential glory (i.e. what it would look like if you put it back on a set of decent wheels, and gave it a wash!)
The iconic Audi TT roadster. Introduced in 1999 by Audi, this car is arguably an instant retro classic, with a timeless Bauhaus design, and one of the most recent industry examples of form over function. Its beautiful, clean lines and uncluttered geometric design remain contemporary even by today's standards, and this Mk1 shape has an instantly recognisable silhouette.
Form over function?
Yes. It has form. Not much function. Some of that is by design - the early cars had no rear spoiler.
This is indeed one of those early "death by flight" pre-recall cars. Given Audi's hoo-hah about them being leaders in aerodynamics in the 80's, their aerodynamicist must have been banned from the California design studio during the development of the TT, since the car's shape is pretty much a wing. This caused cars to literally take off during high-speed maneouvres on autobahns (remember, the Audi was designed in California, where the speed limit is 55mph, and bends are things that divers get during SCUBA overindulgence).
This car has been subject to the resultant recall, which means some service monkey in an Audi dealership was gifted with a drill to make a couple of poorly templated holes in the bootlid, and glue on a spoiler - living up to its name and spoiling the look, but reducing its aeronautical tendencies. They also made the suspension a bit better, and recalibrated something or other.
Some function has been lost as a result of time.. This is a car, not a wine, remember:
- The roof hydraulic pump doesn't work. The mechanism is fine, the sensors are fine, the relays are fine, but the motor is seized, after it was stood unused for 3 weeks one time. The roof still goes up and down manually, and I imagine a strategic tap with a hammer on the motor shaft will free it up, but you can't get to it without removing the entire roof.
- ABS. And subsequently the recalibrated ESP. This is because of a rear wheel speed sensor. I've performed the wizardry of plugging in a VAGCOM and finding the offending item, and even ordering a brand new replacement. Didn't want to deny you the pleasure of actually swapping it out though, so a brand new sensor is included in the purchase.
- What we call in the industry the "braking function". One of the brake lines could do with replacing according to my Scottish MOT man. The brakes work okay and will happily lock the wheels (ABS doesn't work, remember!), but the pedal is slightly soft, and the one-way check valve doesn't work, which means if you're on boost, or engine off, you get no servo assistance. Great for those sudden braking events when the turbo is really singing and some suicidal animal runs out into the road.
- Oh yes, that turbo! It's got a boost leak, resulting in overboost
..yes you read that right. Boost leak = overboost.
<MIND-BLOWING SCIENCE LESSON WARNING>
I suspect that one of the little silicone turbo actuator/sensor hoses has a split in it, so the car thinks that it's not boosting enough. So the turbo works overtime (and like me, doesn't get rewarded for overtime), resulting in bat-curse word crazy warpspeed style acceleration... at which point the car realises it's accelerating too fast for calculations, which is most un-Germanic, so it immediately reduces power to save your engine (a good idea, come to think of it, and most un-Audi-like).
- The windscreen. Actually, come to think of it.. it does function in the sense that it screens you from the wind. But you see, it's got a bit of damage. Maybe the ever-confident Autoglass blokes can have a crack at it? Like Braniac or Top Gear, in the interest of public knowledge, this car provides evidence of what happens when a pigeon hits an Audi TT at 90mph. Hint: Neither pigeon nor windscreen wins.
- The front subframe. It still functions, last I checked the engine hadn't fallen out, but according to the overly Scottish man at the MOT garage, it's got a WEE BIT OF CORROSION.
- The exhaust. Decided it liked the whole "cracked" look of the windscreen, and followed the trend. There's a bit of a blow near the rear box. It won't fume you to death, adds a nice pop on over-run, but Scottish MOT man doesn't like it.
- Power steering pump. Oh it pumps alright. Pumps fluid right out of the system. But there's a bit of a leak somewhere. I replaced the front cooling circuit (because previously it was a BIG LEAK), so it may just be a union, but might be the pump. Needs about cap-full every 300 miles or so.
- Fuel filler flap. It's awkwardly located, awkward to use, and the electronic release is employed part-time. And isn't very reliable even part of the time. There's a handy emergency release in the boot which works beautifully, so long as the electronic boot release isn't on holiday.
STILL READING? Great. It's not all doom and gloom, so get out of that noose.
- 225hp model so has all the great options.
- Quattro works great, and in winter makes it pretty unstoppable (and not just because the brakes are a bit sketchy)
- Heated seats with twiddly knobs - means you can have the heated seats ALWAYS ON. Talk about warm buns.
- Xenon headlights, because xenon is the Rolls Royce of inert gases.
- Power glass windbreak. Breaks the wind to maintain your hairdo, and you can lower it at the touch of a button to vent the car if you yourself wish to break wind.
- Interior is there and all complete, with a well integrated MP3 player to replace the crackletastic original Audi cassette deck. Car has the original Bose audio system, so you can listen to Will Smith - Miami on a rainy day in Essex loud enough that the locals will feel justified in wearing their ridiculous sunglasses.
- It's had a brand new radiator and thermostat last year - my house would be lucky to have this kind of luxury!
- One brand new rear caliper and all new pads. Discs are pretty recent too. So don't go blaming these guys for the aforementioned braking troubles!
- Original, straight body, just one ding on the passenger door, and the front left wing inner lip could do with a rub down (just surface rust).
- Really strong engine and good gearbox, Haldex diff works as required. Cam belt was replaced about 10k ago, when I bought it 5 years ago, so may be due a change due to age...
- All the keys. 2 proper ones, one weird plastic one, and a tag to re-order. Feel like a jailmaster.
Other things to note - it's currently on a set of winter wheels which are multicoloured, so colourblind buyers preferred. Tyres are legal. The inside lets a little bit of moisture in if parked up for weeks at a time, so could do with a scrub to remove any mildew on some surfaces, but cleans up fine, particularly if you're friends with Mr. Muscle.
It's not got the dreaded dash-pod issues, although a few of the pixels in the middle display do go funny when the car is cold. Fuel and temp gauges work fine, and the clock tells you what time you broke down.
If you're not the brightest light bulb in the chandelier and haven't yet figured this out, it hasn't got an MOT for you to worry about, nor tax. But it's been robustly road tested for over 103,000 miles by a dedicated team of approximately 4 previous owners.
Some frequently asked questions:
1) Why is it such a curse word-bag of a car?
It isn't - I just always list my cars with un-political honesty, and offer them only on a couple of select forums, for a quick sale to make sure you know what you're getting into. The car is decent, and is the cheapest Audi TT in the UK today. A weekend would get this car sorted, and it would be worth £3k - they seem to have stopped depreciating as I bought mine it for £4k a few years ago.
2) A weekend to sort it?! Why aren't you doing it?
Yep, I've costed all the bits that need replacing, and it's probably £300 in materials, and a couple days work, less if you've got a roof over your head. I'm not doing it because I need my drive for my much more valuable 1989 Roller, and would rather crack on with building my kit car.
3) What's the lowest you will take?
£999. I'm not exactly going to be the next Lord Sugar from the proceeds of this sale. If it doesn't sell, I'll keep it and either break it when I've got time, or will chop the windscreen and A-pillars off, lose the roof, de-spoiler the decklid and turn it into a clean speedster (you're welcome to nick this idea if you purchase the car, I'm not protective of my genius like Apple).
4) Any swaps?
Yes. a 1971 VW T2 please. But I've got no cash to put into the offer. So unlikely.
5) Where is this beautiful automotive drive ornament based? I'd love to see it.
In the Cotswolds, where the locals kill when an abandoned car blights the Midsomer Murders appearance of the village. I'm 10 miles south of Stratford upon Avon. If you want to visit the convertible tourist attraction, tea is provided for free. Weekday evenings ideally.
6) Will you deliver?
No. Not to Nigeria, not to Cornwall. Come and pick it up. It'll drive, but I've had very reliable third-party confirmation that this car isn't roadworthy and I "better not curse word drive it again until the windscreen is transparent" (source: the police).
If you have any questions or want to come and see this beauty, PM!
Thanks,
Pavel
First a picture of the car in all its potential glory (i.e. what it would look like if you put it back on a set of decent wheels, and gave it a wash!)
The iconic Audi TT roadster. Introduced in 1999 by Audi, this car is arguably an instant retro classic, with a timeless Bauhaus design, and one of the most recent industry examples of form over function. Its beautiful, clean lines and uncluttered geometric design remain contemporary even by today's standards, and this Mk1 shape has an instantly recognisable silhouette.
Form over function?
Yes. It has form. Not much function. Some of that is by design - the early cars had no rear spoiler.
This is indeed one of those early "death by flight" pre-recall cars. Given Audi's hoo-hah about them being leaders in aerodynamics in the 80's, their aerodynamicist must have been banned from the California design studio during the development of the TT, since the car's shape is pretty much a wing. This caused cars to literally take off during high-speed maneouvres on autobahns (remember, the Audi was designed in California, where the speed limit is 55mph, and bends are things that divers get during SCUBA overindulgence).
This car has been subject to the resultant recall, which means some service monkey in an Audi dealership was gifted with a drill to make a couple of poorly templated holes in the bootlid, and glue on a spoiler - living up to its name and spoiling the look, but reducing its aeronautical tendencies. They also made the suspension a bit better, and recalibrated something or other.
Some function has been lost as a result of time.. This is a car, not a wine, remember:
- The roof hydraulic pump doesn't work. The mechanism is fine, the sensors are fine, the relays are fine, but the motor is seized, after it was stood unused for 3 weeks one time. The roof still goes up and down manually, and I imagine a strategic tap with a hammer on the motor shaft will free it up, but you can't get to it without removing the entire roof.
- ABS. And subsequently the recalibrated ESP. This is because of a rear wheel speed sensor. I've performed the wizardry of plugging in a VAGCOM and finding the offending item, and even ordering a brand new replacement. Didn't want to deny you the pleasure of actually swapping it out though, so a brand new sensor is included in the purchase.
- What we call in the industry the "braking function". One of the brake lines could do with replacing according to my Scottish MOT man. The brakes work okay and will happily lock the wheels (ABS doesn't work, remember!), but the pedal is slightly soft, and the one-way check valve doesn't work, which means if you're on boost, or engine off, you get no servo assistance. Great for those sudden braking events when the turbo is really singing and some suicidal animal runs out into the road.
- Oh yes, that turbo! It's got a boost leak, resulting in overboost
..yes you read that right. Boost leak = overboost.
<MIND-BLOWING SCIENCE LESSON WARNING>
I suspect that one of the little silicone turbo actuator/sensor hoses has a split in it, so the car thinks that it's not boosting enough. So the turbo works overtime (and like me, doesn't get rewarded for overtime), resulting in bat-curse word crazy warpspeed style acceleration... at which point the car realises it's accelerating too fast for calculations, which is most un-Germanic, so it immediately reduces power to save your engine (a good idea, come to think of it, and most un-Audi-like).
- The windscreen. Actually, come to think of it.. it does function in the sense that it screens you from the wind. But you see, it's got a bit of damage. Maybe the ever-confident Autoglass blokes can have a crack at it? Like Braniac or Top Gear, in the interest of public knowledge, this car provides evidence of what happens when a pigeon hits an Audi TT at 90mph. Hint: Neither pigeon nor windscreen wins.
- The front subframe. It still functions, last I checked the engine hadn't fallen out, but according to the overly Scottish man at the MOT garage, it's got a WEE BIT OF CORROSION.
- The exhaust. Decided it liked the whole "cracked" look of the windscreen, and followed the trend. There's a bit of a blow near the rear box. It won't fume you to death, adds a nice pop on over-run, but Scottish MOT man doesn't like it.
- Power steering pump. Oh it pumps alright. Pumps fluid right out of the system. But there's a bit of a leak somewhere. I replaced the front cooling circuit (because previously it was a BIG LEAK), so it may just be a union, but might be the pump. Needs about cap-full every 300 miles or so.
- Fuel filler flap. It's awkwardly located, awkward to use, and the electronic release is employed part-time. And isn't very reliable even part of the time. There's a handy emergency release in the boot which works beautifully, so long as the electronic boot release isn't on holiday.
STILL READING? Great. It's not all doom and gloom, so get out of that noose.
- 225hp model so has all the great options.
- Quattro works great, and in winter makes it pretty unstoppable (and not just because the brakes are a bit sketchy)
- Heated seats with twiddly knobs - means you can have the heated seats ALWAYS ON. Talk about warm buns.
- Xenon headlights, because xenon is the Rolls Royce of inert gases.
- Power glass windbreak. Breaks the wind to maintain your hairdo, and you can lower it at the touch of a button to vent the car if you yourself wish to break wind.
- Interior is there and all complete, with a well integrated MP3 player to replace the crackletastic original Audi cassette deck. Car has the original Bose audio system, so you can listen to Will Smith - Miami on a rainy day in Essex loud enough that the locals will feel justified in wearing their ridiculous sunglasses.
- It's had a brand new radiator and thermostat last year - my house would be lucky to have this kind of luxury!
- One brand new rear caliper and all new pads. Discs are pretty recent too. So don't go blaming these guys for the aforementioned braking troubles!
- Original, straight body, just one ding on the passenger door, and the front left wing inner lip could do with a rub down (just surface rust).
- Really strong engine and good gearbox, Haldex diff works as required. Cam belt was replaced about 10k ago, when I bought it 5 years ago, so may be due a change due to age...
- All the keys. 2 proper ones, one weird plastic one, and a tag to re-order. Feel like a jailmaster.
Other things to note - it's currently on a set of winter wheels which are multicoloured, so colourblind buyers preferred. Tyres are legal. The inside lets a little bit of moisture in if parked up for weeks at a time, so could do with a scrub to remove any mildew on some surfaces, but cleans up fine, particularly if you're friends with Mr. Muscle.
It's not got the dreaded dash-pod issues, although a few of the pixels in the middle display do go funny when the car is cold. Fuel and temp gauges work fine, and the clock tells you what time you broke down.
If you're not the brightest light bulb in the chandelier and haven't yet figured this out, it hasn't got an MOT for you to worry about, nor tax. But it's been robustly road tested for over 103,000 miles by a dedicated team of approximately 4 previous owners.
Some frequently asked questions:
1) Why is it such a curse word-bag of a car?
It isn't - I just always list my cars with un-political honesty, and offer them only on a couple of select forums, for a quick sale to make sure you know what you're getting into. The car is decent, and is the cheapest Audi TT in the UK today. A weekend would get this car sorted, and it would be worth £3k - they seem to have stopped depreciating as I bought mine it for £4k a few years ago.
2) A weekend to sort it?! Why aren't you doing it?
Yep, I've costed all the bits that need replacing, and it's probably £300 in materials, and a couple days work, less if you've got a roof over your head. I'm not doing it because I need my drive for my much more valuable 1989 Roller, and would rather crack on with building my kit car.
3) What's the lowest you will take?
£999. I'm not exactly going to be the next Lord Sugar from the proceeds of this sale. If it doesn't sell, I'll keep it and either break it when I've got time, or will chop the windscreen and A-pillars off, lose the roof, de-spoiler the decklid and turn it into a clean speedster (you're welcome to nick this idea if you purchase the car, I'm not protective of my genius like Apple).
4) Any swaps?
Yes. a 1971 VW T2 please. But I've got no cash to put into the offer. So unlikely.
5) Where is this beautiful automotive drive ornament based? I'd love to see it.
In the Cotswolds, where the locals kill when an abandoned car blights the Midsomer Murders appearance of the village. I'm 10 miles south of Stratford upon Avon. If you want to visit the convertible tourist attraction, tea is provided for free. Weekday evenings ideally.
6) Will you deliver?
No. Not to Nigeria, not to Cornwall. Come and pick it up. It'll drive, but I've had very reliable third-party confirmation that this car isn't roadworthy and I "better not curse word drive it again until the windscreen is transparent" (source: the police).
If you have any questions or want to come and see this beauty, PM!
Thanks,
Pavel
