Thank you Grizz , Phil, and Dave , as always, much appreciated and most encouraging
Well , if you have noticed , there has been a slight hiatus in the farm fun quotient .
I am not sure if i should go into much detail here , however i have noticed there seems to be an appreciative audience for my slight digressions into other slightly more personal updates , so i'll include this latest biochemical adventure here as well .
Saturday evening ,19th it was , started quite normally, boiled some spaghetti , defrosted frozen mince , and fried til brown , added a new jar of bolognese sauce ,grated some Cheshire cheese , all was fine .
scoffed , saved leftovers in freezer bag , and went to bed after watching ,what was it , oh yes , the thin man ,an old william powel myrna loy film .
all seemed fine . went to sleep , but then suddenly woke at 12 , and thought , that's strange , someone seems to have crept into my bedroom , and painted my forehead with molten ice lava .
i lay there with freezing wet forehead for all of 25 seconds , and then realised , an urgent telegram from my stomach management committee was trying to make itself read , and the message was , well, basically , a picture of a toilet bowl .
i am not sure how many of you have experience with the american lifts , that do 65 floors in 3 seconds ?
well , cross that with a top fuel dragter , and you have to combined energy of me heading for the bathroom , and my stomach management committee initiating "emergency evac defcon #1"
there's something strangely comforting about the smell of cold porcelein , it's as if the world is saying , yes your about to die , and yes you no longer have any control , but the one unchangable fact is, this porcelein will not vary , it will stay cold , and hard , and white , for ever .trust in the china .
i spent a productive 5 mins , or 17 hours , i'm not sure , holding onto the facility with one hand , and trying to keep the top of my head on with the other , whilst wailing gently like a mother whale looking for her newborn offsping .
finally ,EED#1 was over , and shakily , sweatily i tottered like an old man looking for his teeth , back to the bedroom.....
or at least , that was the plan.
halfway there , i recieved another telegram , this time from another management commitee ... in charge of an area slightly south of the border .
a rapid completely un ordered u turn took place , and i arrived at my previous zone of decantation , in an alternative position , "crouching dragon " i think its called in the eastern medicine world .
not being quite sure what to expect , Mt St helens , or old faithfull , i was rewarded for my total lack of patience , and, at this point of anticipation , humour , by a toxic jet of clear liquid , with the occasional scarab .
how ,? why ?? was my most dominant reaction . .. i had not even drunk that much water with supper , maybe one glass .
i had become a self generating water purifyer ., although , admittedly water from a nuclear reactor cooling tower ..
finally dragged myself back to bed , fell asleep , and woke at 2 for an encore .
Now , because i was , like a pelonium 210 meson , emitting radioacativy ,at both ends, i found it completely unconscionable to perform both sets of gymnastics at the same toilet , the aftermath of the "southern event" , made that room untenable for anything less than a hazmat suit , and even then only a few minutes , so i found myself ,limping curled up like a procrastinating lemming from upstairs loo , "Human hydrant" , to downstairs loo "old faithfull".
Those stairs are steep. i think even now ,a week later , the nail marks are still there in the carpet.
this hourly process went on until 6am .
by which time both tanks were empty , , and i felt like a wasp , with god squeezing me by the waist shouting c'mon c'mon , just a bit more ,
well sir ,i was trying to gasp , i don't have any more..
he wouldnt listen .
finally i slept and from 6 am onwards all evac ceased .
spent the next few days feeling very unwell,and no food at all , , and over 4 days lost 6 lbs in weight , still pretty tired and keep falling asleep , but i did drag myself out last saturday for food shopping , standing in the isle at aldi sweating i did realise i still wasn't quite whole yet , so have been taking it easy , and gradulaly the feeling in my tummy is changing from , well , if you have ever played rugby as a teen , as i did a lot , you will know the feeling of being kicked hard in the stomach , its not like a kick in the chipotles , which ,when it happens, you can almost visualize the black tsunami of pain about to engulf your go for it globes ... , its more a blossoming instant possession of your soul,,where your subconcious says , ok , that's is , you had your chance curly , now we are taking over , and makes you curl up like a new born mosquito smoking thing ,you know , that you light and put in the corner .
And you stay curled , until your sub finally lets go of the reins , under strict probationary caution .
so ,apart from a bonfire yesterday , and driving 30 miles north on monday to pick up a tiger loop oil thing so i can lower the tank . not a lot happening .
regards
robert