Mental Health and the car enthusiast - help & support

[igor]

Great to see others opening up on here.

"Don't cry because it's gone, smile because it happened."

bmcnut, your statement quoted above strikes me as an interesting and perhaps encouraging way to look at past life events. Ultimately all we have are our memories. If there are more good ones than bad then we are probably doing okay.

I have been subjected to compulsory counselling due to false accusations following the public expression of certain strong opinions and found it to be worse than useless. In my opinion counselling is only a workable solution if there is complete trust between the parties involved. For this reason I find it much easier to share and discuss personal issues with a trusted friend rather disclose my innermost thoughts to a professional counsellor who is almost invariably a stranger and may (probably will in most cases) have certain preconceived ideas which are usually totally at odds with my own life experience and world view.

Venting to complete strangers on internet fora is of course quite different to the above and I encourage everybody to keep doing it.

[slackerTHEpinstriper]

Can I suggest that this is made into a "sticky" thread

[braaap]

ADHD is often accompanied by depressions, a socalled comorbidity.
I'm not sure if I ever suffered from depression, but I sure have some diffictulties, too, like anger and aggression issues. And I often say (or write here ) something I should have thought a second time over.
Has something to do with impulse control. Let me appologize now if I ever offended You with my comments.

Other than my mate ElWoody, who has been a member here for quite a long time. He has had some depression phases in his life and he told me, he had some PM contact with others here, maybe some have already replied here.
But I'm not going into detail about him, behind his back.

[akku]

This thread has popped up some intersting points.

Firstly, and without any side or mallice intened, I had no idea Rods n Sods was still a going concern

Secondly, theres a really interesting point made that there is an apparent link between depression and nostalgia. Thats given me something to ponder on. Lets be real here, its a human condition to think that things were better when you were a kid and are rubbish now. Philosiphers in ancient Greece and Rome were writing about this topic 2000, 3000 years ago. I am a big fan of the past, I am a nostalgist or something, maybe a historian. I still have a rotary dial land line phone and a gas cooker you light the eye level grill with a match. I am living the past. But I still enjoy the present and look forward to the future. I think I have a healthy (if slightly eccentric) balance there. I'm in a lot of groups and so on for people who are into "the past" in its various forms and I have had to leave many of them because they are so toxic. Local history is interesting but its depressing when its served up with a dose of "kids these days" and "ruined by the influx of ethnic minorities" comentary. So much anger and bitterness. If you want a petri dish of this horror check out "Yesterdays Britian, it was a better Britain" on Facebook. But there are many many others. I guess a lot of people feel disenfranchised by change.

A lot of it fits in this lovely quote which I keep close to my heart


“I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that's invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.”

― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt



The third thing is how much of this is a mental condition and how much of this is the human condition? I don't wish to deminish anyone's experience here as I know a lot of people have genuinely got "problems" but I think a lot of us feel guilty about not being perfect and its impossible to be perfect. The modern world and social media in particular presents slices of other people's lives in such a way we only see the stuff they flex, and a lot of that is exagerated or spun a certain way. Faced with this we see our own failures, inabilities and so on in such sharper relief that even those of us with a robust mental state will feel battered down by it. In fact I'd go so far as to say that if you don't get some minor depression and anxiety with the state of things then you have some kind of mental disorder, probably sociopathy or psychopathy. The relentless parade of other people's success can be dispiriting and demoralising.

Some people need professional help, sure, and I wish them well. Some people just need the help of like minded folks to buoy them along. I guess we should be filling that second role.

Theres plenty of times I walk out meaning to work on my cars and I just stand there looking and feel the weight of it all fall on me like I'm crushed by it. And then I go back in the house, and I do something else. I tell myself and anyone else its because I'm to busy having a wonderful time with friends, family and an awesome career but the truth is some days it just crushes me. And thats something I am supposed to do because I love it. Go figure.

Long story short, back in the day we used to have RR groups, one point folks used to come to mine and we'd work on each others cars on my drive and we'd BBQ. We need to do that stuff again.

Here's some old pics of young us...

[bmcnut]

^^ great post akku, interesting point you made about the decor in your home. Mine is largely done using old/free/cheap/knackered stuff, which I've restored or modified to suit my needs, and in turn recycled something that was otherwise going in the bin.Some who've seen it ask if I'm living in the past, but I don't see it like that, I've not tried to make it look like it's from any particular time or style, I've just taken what's turned up and taken the satisfaction of turning it into something I want, which makes me feel good so it good for mental health. And most importantly there's no chipboard, I hate the stuff with a passion. Sorry if it seems like it's going a little off topic but it's about those little things we do to make us feel good.
This was literally a pile of rubbish before I spent a bit of time on it.

[brachunky]

Jun 9, 2023 12:13:19 GMT akku said:

This thread has popped up some intersting points.

Firstly, and without any side or mallice intened, I had no idea Rods n Sods was still a going concern

Secondly, theres a really interesting point made that there is an apparent link between depression and nostalgia. Thats given me something to ponder on. Lets be real here, its a human condition to think that things were better when you were a kid and are rubbish now. Philosiphers in ancient Greece and Rome were writing about this topic 2000, 3000 years ago. I am a big fan of the past, I am a nostalgist or something, maybe a historian. I still have a rotary dial land line phone and a gas cooker you light the eye level grill with a match. I am living the past. But I still enjoy the present and look forward to the future. I think I have a healthy (if slightly eccentric) balance there. I'm in a lot of groups and so on for people who are into "the past" in its various forms and I have had to leave many of them because they are so toxic. Local history is interesting but its depressing when its served up with a dose of "kids these days" and "ruined by the influx of ethnic minorities" comentary. So much anger and bitterness. If you want a petri dish of this horror check out "Yesterdays Britian, it was a better Britain" on Facebook. But there are many many others. I guess a lot of people feel disenfranchised by change.

A lot of it fits in this lovely quote which I keep close to my heart


“I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that's invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.”

― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt



The third thing is how much of this is a mental condition and how much of this is the human condition? I don't wish to deminish anyone's experience here as I know a lot of people have genuinely got "problems" but I think a lot of us feel guilty about not being perfect and its impossible to be perfect. The modern world and social media in particular presents slices of other people's lives in such a way we only see the stuff they flex, and a lot of that is exagerated or spun a certain way. Faced with this we see our own failures, inabilities and so on in such sharper relief that even those of us with a robust mental state will feel battered down by it. In fact I'd go so far as to say that if you don't get some minor depression and anxiety with the state of things then you have some kind of mental disorder, probably sociopathy or psychopathy. The relentless parade of other people's success can be dispiriting and demoralising.

Some people need professional help, sure, and I wish them well. Some people just need the help of like minded folks to buoy them along. I guess we should be filling that second role.

Theres plenty of times I walk out meaning to work on my cars and I just stand there looking and feel the weight of it all fall on me like I'm crushed by it. And then I go back in the house, and I do something else. I tell myself and anyone else its because I'm to busy having a wonderful time with friends, family and an awesome career but the truth is some days it just crushes me. And thats something I am supposed to do because I love it. Go figure.

Long story short, back in the day we used to have RR groups, one point folks used to come to mine and we'd work on each others cars on my drive and we'd BBQ. We need to do that stuff again.

Some fantastic, real and thought provoking post AKKU , thank you for this and a lot resonated with me.

[v8ian]

Its brilliant that this thread has been started,
My mum and grand dad for that matter had the old Adage "A TROUBLE SHARED, IS A TROUBLE HALVED" I'm sure that talking things thru with friends, family and, for that matter the family on this site can be exceptionally beneficial for some if not all on this thread,

[Rusted Pistons]

Hi guys

Made up to see this and wondering why I didn't post something about it myself 🤦

I'm an Ambassador for Pitstop Social and try to spread the word as much as I can at shows and meets I attend.

People seem much more willing to talk about mental health matters at the moment and it's hugely reassuring. The stigma is slowly being chipped away. I have had issues with depression over the years and know that had I stumbled upon something like Pitstop Social it could've helped in those moments.

Let me know if you have any questions 👍




Note that the instagram handle in that pic is outdated - it's now just Rustedpistons if you want to check it out.

[braaap]

Jun 9, 2023 12:13:19 GMT akku said:

A lot of it fits in this lovely quote which I keep close to my heart


“I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that's invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.”

― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

Douglas Adams was a true genius!

[westbay]

This is such a refreshing read, I suspect many of us on here (and other sites) have been brought up with " ... pull yourself together and get on with it ..." being the only offer of 'support', needing to talk to someone is not a weakness any more than seeking help when diagnosing a problem with a car ..."a problem shared is a problem halved" ...

Yes the current 'climate' is far more enlightened and supportive , long may it continue ...

[ballbagbagins]

If you can't find anything that soothes you, talking to mates/partner, distractions etc, then go and see a doctor.

Also, what you may class as certain characteristics of your personality, being low in mood or feeling anxious for no reason, could be treatable mental health conditions.

Go and see an expert and let them decide if you need help.

We aren't always the best at judging if we need help.

I've been in the mental health club for ten years now and have been benefited hugely from it.

[braaap]

One thing that relaxes me is watching aquarium fishes.

Lately I was considering having a nano tank first, then changed my mind for a wide tank with a large school of neons.

Thinking of costs for hardware, water, electricity, plants, fish and food plus the necessary maintenance I ended up with Dream Aquarium, actually a screen saver, but what a kind of!
Programmed from somebody with a hollywood special effects background it's veryveryvery realistic. You can feed them, fish can poo - but You can turn these functions off.
They offer a free test version, but the full version only costs 25$, so absolutely affordable - and relaxing if You're into something like this.

Sorry, this sounds like an add, but I have nothing to do with them. It helps me, maybe others, too?

[bmcnut]

Jun 10, 2023 8:48:26 GMT braaap said:

One thing that relaxes me is watching aquarium fishes.

Lately I was considering having a nano tank first, then changed my mind for a wide tank with a large school of neons.

Thinking of costs for hardware, water, electricity, plants, fish and food plus the necessary maintenance I ended up with Dream Aquarium, actually a screen saver, but what a kind of!
Programmed from somebody with a hollywood special effects background it's veryveryvery realistic. You can feed them, fish can poo - but You can turn these functions off.
They offer a free test version, but the full version only costs 25$, so absolutely affordable - and relaxing if You're into something like this.

Sorry, this sounds like an add, but I have nothing to do with them. It helps me, maybe others, too?

Definitely. I'm by no means a fish person, but we had a tank afew years back with Cory's weather loaches and guppies. On one occasion the guppies bred, and that bought a whole new interest to fish. I had some great results breeding guppies, massive tails amazing colours etc. And I can sit and watch a tank for ages. I'm sure it makes part of your brain switch off.

[braaap]

bmcnut, then give DA a try!

These are the available fishes in the full version, not all accessable in the test version though. Plus there are two fish packages available for purchase. (Background around popup shows my neons and mr. crab. )

[brachunky]

Jun 10, 2023 11:09:51 GMT braaap said:

bmcnut , then give DA a try!

These are the available fishes in the full version, not all accessable in the test version though. Plus there are two fish packages availble for pruchase. (Background around popup shows my neons and mr. crab. )

That's pretty clever stuff!

[braaap]

Thanks brachunky and I appologize for that threadjacking.

[Dez]

Jun 8, 2023 10:01:40 GMT braaap said:

I learned here on RR that ADHD is an adult thing too and I was tested positively afterwards.

It’s a bit of a running joke amongst a few friends that you have to be both ADHD and autistic to some extent to be able to build cars to a good/high standard. Normies just cant compete with all that overprocessing 😂

Some of those friends are diagnosed, but it’s fairly certain to say we’re all on the spectrum. That thing about autistic people moving in packs is very true.

I use various small tricks to keep my mind working as I need it to work to get things done, and it wasn’t until I found out these are legit techniques taught by professionals to help people further along the spectrum that I started to question my own processes.

How common is it for car people to have 5+ projects on the go, be massively enthusiastic about one in particular then totally drop it to go work on a new one, or one of the others when someone else shows an interest in it or you buy a new part for it? Or try to work on your car but be too overwhelmed by the enormity of it when last week you were super enthusiastic and stated doing 4 separate unrelated jobs on it, all of which were left unfinished?
Both massively autistic and adhd traits, both perfectly normal in car guy world…

[Quasimoto]

This thread certainly highlights a situation that might have been hidden but also it can impact on a partner or wife also a car enthusiast in their own way and what troubles one will trouble the other by default. Well in my case that was how its happened as my Retro Pensioner thread tries to detail. I am heartened by all the response on RR forum for this remarkable thread.Sadly often the mental health service appears overwhelmed by back cases / covid and staffing levels but i would urge anyone reading this thread throughout from some open replies and messages to find the solution as what fits you best / in my case just being around and into cars is enough but for a partner or wife often whilst enthusiastic the car commitment is not as strong so other areas have to be looked into.

[halkyon]

I've been guilty of joking that wherever I move I need to find the machine shop with the most autistic men working there - and it will be the best one. There is a level of obsession and detail that can come with some expressions of that neurodivergence.

Car projects for me give me goals to work towards when normal salary work becomes monotonous, or I'm otherwise stuck.

Objectively, when looking at measures of self reported happiness, effects of wealth inequality, stagnant salaries versus rising living costs, and what therapists call "depression and anxiety, but backed up by data" - hopelessness and mourning over the impacts of climate change. Life has gotten harder in some respects, recognising that is important, in my view, and should bring a renewed focus on unashamedly prioritising things that make you happy and healthy. For many here that will be working on cars together, helping people out, engaging in your local community, and generally staying the hell away from social media.

I recently heard somebody say something like:

Facebook is arguments over whose dad is better than yours.
Instagram is about showing how somebody else's holiday was better than yours.
Twitter is about showing how somebody's political ideology is better than yours.

And make no mistake the only point of it is to generate engagement and money for advertisers.

Sorry for the seperate rant, but there is growing evidence that places like this forum are far better in terms of social outcomes than the massive curse word platforms, which are a danger to mental well-being. Perhaps not inherently, but certainly how they are run right now.

[ChrisT]

As others have said, great thread and some great posts, good to see that we're not alone with these problems, can relate to so many of them.
Thought I was just getting old and grumpy but I realised looking back there's more to it, not that I've done anything about at apart from admit it to myself and the wife.