Tales of the Volcano Lair - Tractor Fun

[Frankenhealey]

Jul 10, 2020 12:00:44 GMT gtviva said:

No good at linking pictures but going back to the "Leporidae-cong" the burrow looks big for wabbits?

Deffo wabbits! They've been unmolested for 20 years in the t'top end of t'top field. That stops this year as SWMBO has a hankering to increase the number of sheep and my married man maths see that as

Bigger flock = Bigger (old cr4p car) fleet

Jul 10, 2020 12:00:44 GMT gtviva said:

I can recommend the old acrobat hay turner

Good idea but I just need one for show as it will only be for dragging up and down the bypass on bank holidays and busy Sundays. I look on it as an essential social service as it gets all those nice Home Counties people used to the fact they'll be crawling from Swanage to Basingstoke on the way home.

[Morris63]

Jul 10, 2020 12:00:44 GMT gtviva said:

No good at linking pictures but going back to the "Leporidae-cong" the burrow looks big for wabbits? if it is wabbits they make a nice stew! If its our black and white striped friends they may take a different approach...

Well, I learnt 2 things from this:
1) The South Coast of England is warm enough for Zebras
2) Zebras burrow

I mean, there aren't any other b&w striped burrowers about, are there?  

Ah, my coat? Thanks, I'll see myself out!

[Frankenhealey]

Jul 10, 2020 14:29:37 GMT Morris63 said:

Jul 10, 2020 12:00:44 GMT gtviva said:

No good at linking pictures but going back to the "Leporidae-cong" the burrow looks big for wabbits? if it is wabbits they make a nice stew! If its our black and white striped friends they may take a different approach...

Well, I learnt 2 things from this:
1) The South Coast of England is warm enough for Zebras
2) Zebras burrow

I mean, there aren't any other b&w striped burrowers about, are there?  

Ah, my coat? Thanks, I'll see myself out!

It might be the lost cat

[Frankenhealey]

Jul 10, 2020 10:18:07 GMT MiataMark said:

Jul 9, 2020 21:26:38 GMT Frankenhealey said:

Reasonably assured of the dog's health I finished off the horsebox

Do like a BtD story.

I've replaced the floor in a couple of horseboxes (trailers), getting the old floor out is horrible if you start to think about what it's soaked in... The first one I did I got some old conveyor belt to put down on top of the wooden floor.

Later boxes with metal floors are much better..

This comes from #1 daughter who took some of the horsebox hardwood flooring for a friend who has an Etsy shop. This young crafter is preparing to make a run of macrame supported shelves for Millennial decorators. Think a string cats-cradle supported miniature plank that you hang from a hook on the ceiling to display the mindless tat you've collected from flying all round the world on eco-holidays. Anyhoo her suggested advertising strapline brings to the fore the 'delicately watermarked, recycled and responsibly sourced hardwood shelf'.

Do I have the heart to tell her it's horse, sheep and pig p1ss with a side order of dung that has given the wood it's unique patina or wait until she's sold a few?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address

[samta22]

Not to mention the unique aroma it no doubt emanates sensitively around the room of your choosing...

Hmmm with access to rather a lot of this 'responsibly sourced wood' do let me know how she gets on*





*asking for a friend...

[MiataMark]

Jul 14, 2020 13:44:40 GMT Frankenhealey said:

Do I have the heart to tell her it's horse, sheep and pig p1ss with a side order of dung that has given the wood it's unique patina or wait until she's sold a few?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address

She'd probably be able to charge more, authentic rustic aroma in every shelf...

[blackpopracing]

She'll think you're taking the pi55

[Phil H]

Jul 14, 2020 21:38:35 GMT blackpopracing said:

She'll think you're taking the pi55

Close. It’ll be the customers taking it home 😂

[Morris63]

The old saying "where there's muck, there's brass" never seemed to be so appropriate!

[Frankenhealey]

SAD ANIMALS

THE EX-BEER SHEEP



So what brought about the unexpected attack on 'Ol 144's canine best friend? We think that she had been falling down the pecking order of the flock as she got older. The younger ewes would bully her at the feed trough and although we made sure she got her share she was spending a lot of time alone. It was probably her last chance of dominance. A few days later she developed 'hiccoughs', was off her feed and spending all her time alone. Shetlands look scraggy at the best of times but she's well out of condition



Now though 'sheep die for a living' sometimes they don't so we waited for a day and then called the vet. Guess how many people it took to catch and hold down a decrepit poorly sheep for a series of very expensive vitamin, painkiller and decongestant injections? Three of us!



I think she knew she was on the way out and was going to be as ornery as possible. Lo and behold, 2 hours after a £190 injection bill with extra callout charge she keeled over and breathed no more.

We didn't have the heart to drop her off at the Hunt kennels so another £30 brought the Fallen Stock Company to the field gate the next morning. She spent the night in the wheelbarrow covered in an old dog blanket borrowed from BtD. As we pushed her up the field the other sheep waited and then followed us like a funeral cortege and there was not a dry eye in the place. The Fallen Stock Company lorry was a stainless steel marvel with a a hydraulic rear ramp. I was sent up and down the lane in case there were any townie kids about that may have been traumatised over an animal death. The driver carried her up as she was too light to waste time with the winch and she shared her last journey with a Friesian that had gone with the 'bloat'!

THE BREATHLESS SNAIL

You may remember the Raid Dolly. Pitstop took it to the Weekender last year and had a pretty torrid time with it ending up broken down in poor bstardchild 's pits (something I shall never hear the end of!). It sounded like the lack of power was the perennial coil problem experienced by 2CVs. The AA came out and in their cack-handed way managed to fry the OMEX electronic cutout so it came home on the AA Truck. I put it in the corner of the Volcano Lair and because I had much to do in the summer just sent off the cutout for repair and forgot about it. There was no Malta Classic that autumn because I was farting around with the RR stand at the NEC Classic.

Come the lockdown it was time to get it back on the road. Kudos to OMEX they fixed the cutout for £12 including the return carriage. Fitted the cutout and then investigated the 'dodgy' coil, no spark so replaced it with a good coil, no spark. Tried to logon to the 123-TUNE Bluetooth electronic ignition with no joy. Sparky stuff at this level is beyond me, I can manage points and coil but that's the technological peak of my capabilities. Got Dangerous involved, put on a Lumenition and got a spark, still wouldn't start. Perhaps a winters worth of stale fuel? New fuel, still wouldn't start. Tried a tow start, still wouldn't start. Compression? No feekin' compression. Left it with Dangerous to get the heads and barrels off. Got the call, broken rings, scored bores

Poor Pitstop reckons it's her fault but drives like Miss Daisy. It was full of race oil, the oil cooler was working, she drove it on public roads to Goodwood and then pootled round the track. It was run-in for nigh 700 miles and although I drove it like I stole it at the Malta Classic 2 years ago it has shown no symptoms since. And of course it was the poxy AA man that fried 240 squids worth of 123 ignition as well.

Photos and the inquest soon.

BOB THE DOG & THE REVENANT

We're sitting on the settee and BtD comes up and gives us a 'look'. Deciphering his wants, desires and moods from the 'look' is one of the highest arts of divination. He's been fed, recently walked, he's had three poos and is not doing the pee dance so what can he want? My solution is to tell him to lie down. He seems tempted but gives me the 'look' again. Normally he lies under our feet being as awkward as possible with the odd postern blast thrown in for good measure. He's not going to lie down until I solve the problem. I'm going to need SuperDogOwner™ telepathic mode and the alleged 'conversation' went something like this

Me : "What's up?"
Btd : "Can't lie down"

Me : "We'll lift our legs"
Btd : "No room"

At this point I look at his rug and really can't figure it out

Me : "Plenty of room"
Btd : "Sky raisin in way"

I see right at the edge of the rug is a fly

Me : "It's dead and for a dog who will roll in any sh!t not his own I really can't see a problem
Btd : "It not dead, it moved!"

Me : "FFS you eat them on the wing if you can catch them"
Btd : "Not eat, hunt, and carpet sky raisin no fun"

I nudge the fly with my foot and push it off the edge of the rug, it does tremble a bit

Me : "There, not in the way now"
Btd : "It burnt, don't like smell"

We're getting somewhere now. I bought one of those UV-high-voltage-flying-insect-Death-Rectangle things. It's been a less buzzy summer so far in the sitting room where the flies now conveniently kill themselves and we don't have a 40 kilo dog launching himself off his settee, across the coffee table, trying to snap the sky raisin out of the air. Both BtD and SWMBO jump at the crack it makes, every time there's an immolation, and I hum "Another one bites the dust". According to SWMBO I'm the most annoying man she's ever married. I bend down and pick up the fly with its only complete wing and wave it at SWMBO who screams 'Get that horrible thing away from me' and I wonder where I've heard that before? I imagine the fly radioing base with "Control, control, this is Bluebottle Leader, one wing damaged on the Death Rectangle raid, electric shield too strong, losing altitude, I'm going to have to ditch on the dog rug, tell my 6000 siblings I love them ....... and then radio silence. There's a few misty compound eyes back at Fly HQ and then the conversation turns to which sh1t is the best to eat and how maggots these days don't know how lucky they are. Back to reality I take the motionless insect over to the Death Rectangle and throw it in for a humane coup de grace. It catches on on the high-voltage grid and sits there arcing away and promptly catches fire, the smell is indescribable. SWMBO reiterates I'm the most annoying man she's ever married. My loyal and trusty canine friend flumps down on his rug and looks at me.

Me : "Satisfied?"
Btd : "Dat smell not me!"

Two minutes later he moves off because of the charred fly smell. I don't know why I bother.

Primo purchase of the Covid times - the Death Rectangle



In another location, not lying on a fly and not smelling dead fly but watching for pesky squirrels.



NEXT UP : WAZZOCKS

[blackpopracing]

We have a death rectangle too - wasps stink terribly but it is fascinating watching them spark with blue flashes Took mine to work today as someone had left a banana skin in the bin over the weekend so we had a plague of fruit flies in the place.
Very gratifying hearing the Zzzzzzttt! every few minutes

[jamesd1972]

Jul 22, 2020 20:14:08 GMT blackpopracing said:

We have a death rectangle too - wasps stink terribly but it is fascinating watching them spark with blue flashes Took mine to work today as someone had left a banana skin in the bin over the weekend so we had a plague of fruit flies in the place.
Very gratifying hearing the Zzzzzzttt! every few minutes

Oddly enough fruit flies aren’t directly attracted to UV, which makes them a pain to deal with in my day job.
I had a student job cleaning out ‘insect-o-cutors’ for a bakery chain.
Didn’t end well. Did get featured on Simon Mayo’s confessions including his book. That was Christmas for all my family sorted easily. Am still proud.
James

PS sorry about the bloody sheep - that sounds about right in terms of costing money right at the end.

[georgeb]

Brilliant! Had me laughing into my morning tea a treat.

RIP ol' OI 144, ewe’ll be mist!

D’you know, the more I look at Barney, the bigger and dafter of the Brothers Dimm, the more I see BtD. Sadly, however, he seems to only communicate in Baybayin which is actually an ancient Filipino written script and, according to Wiki, is, “…generally not understood,” so explains a lot.

He did redeem himself the other day though. For a while we’ve been playing night-time host to a rat who would wander in, generally forage around before scuttling off outside to spend wherever he spent his days.

I’d baulked at poison and traps, not for humanitarian reasons you understand, but because I could see large and stomach pumping vets bills in my future and, in the case of one of Madam’s new dogs, a trap would kill it stone dead.

Anyway, we don’t have to worry anymore. He must have been a bit late in his scuttling and on Sunday morning, with great flourish, Barney spat the offending, and very dead, rodent at my feet, broken back and all and, looking at me in his few words of English said, “That’s gotta be worth a chewy, don’t it, Dad?”

Chewys for everyone and Barney was feted by one and all!

So we’ve got Whiskey (my ugly Shitz) who delights in killing mice, now Barney the ratter and his brother, Buster, who so far only mithers cockroaches to death, who form the backbone of the Casa Fernando pest control team! As Team Manager and very much the Boss, Lola, like any true Filipina, mainly sleeps.

Madam got one of them electric tennis bat things for flies and mosquitoes which make very satisfying cracks for the first three days of ownership. They’re supposed to be rechargeable but, it seems, Chinese batteries don’t like Filipino electric so they’re not very. Anyway, we’ve probably got three or four gathering dust, so I’ve gone back to Baygon, the 12 bore of insect killers.

Good luck with the 2CV!

[Deleted]

I have a good friend ,Rory,who owns the farm across the valley from my parents. He is a sheep farmer. I remember the one day standing at the barbecue with him ,looking over the valley to a flock of his sheep that were grazing on the hillside. We both had more than our fair share of adult beverages when he said,”Hey Jonno, do you know what my sheep are doing half way up the mountain there?” I replied something along the lines of,” Probably trying to get as far away from the farmhouse as possible as they know you are going to be snoring like a bstard tonight”. His reply ,” Err ...no. They are sheep. They are evil creatures. They are having a meeting plotting new ways to die”. I spat my beer out 🤣🤣🤣

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2020 20:14:08 GMT blackpopracing said:

We have a death rectangle too - wasps stink terribly but it is fascinating watching them spark with blue flashes Took mine to work today as someone had left a banana skin in the bin over the weekend so we had a plague of fruit flies in the place.
Very gratifying hearing the Zzzzzzttt! every few minutes

The tennis racket ones are the sporting way to deal with horseflies 🤣

[nomad]

Jul 9, 2020 21:26:38 GMT Frankenhealey said:

During lockdown I was inveigled into some woodworking projects for the benefit of the wimmin' of the family. YouTube has a lot to answer for and particularly those videos referring to shabby-chic planters made from pallets and both the girls wanted one.

A bit late on this but if you get any more requests for planters, visit your nearest glazing factory (the folk who make the glass for upvc double glazing) - they bulk buy glass sheets in assorted sizes and get them delivered on pallets.
The ends of the glass are protected with wooden cases (aka ready-made planters), and our place always has a skip-full of this "rubbish" they are happy for you to take from.
Just add Cuprinol 

[Frankenhealey]

Before WAZZOCKS : THE MOVIE

We have 'Why do I drive such humongous pieces of poop?' I have more breakdowns than Hub Nut. As Mungo Jerry would have sung "In the summertime when the weather is high, you go the Volcano Lair and fire up an old nail to take to work 'cos there's no racing and the bypass is the best you're going to get if that little git is out in the supercharged low-rider Miata he loves so much". I understand Mr. Jerry did much work on the lyrics before his eventual hit.

Anyhoo first out was the Big Dawg. Fiddling about with the Edelbrock with spring and rod changes last year has moved the air/fuel meter readings from too lean to a leedle too rich. I'm happy enough with that but thanks to the cam I've not got much vacuum at low rpms and she hunts like beggary under 1800 rpm. I didn't see the Miata but she performed faultlessly and even the cooling is much improved since the move to Evans Waterless.



Of course the next day the Little Dawg wanted an outing and with her being down to fumes we stopped off at the local garage only to oil her plugs trying a cold restart. bUM!





Only good part of the day was discovering that Sainsburty's has StroopWaffeln in again

[blackpopracing]

Jul 23, 2020 6:18:32 GMT @johnnybravo said:

Jul 22, 2020 20:14:08 GMT blackpopracing said:

We have a death rectangle too - wasps stink terribly but it is fascinating watching them spark with blue flashes Took mine to work today as someone had left a banana skin in the bin over the weekend so we had a plague of fruit flies in the place.
Very gratifying hearing the Zzzzzzttt! every few minutes

The tennis racket ones are the sporting way to deal with horseflies 🤣

Got one of those too - direct from Thailand, so its a full power one - gives a right jolt if you touch it lol!

[Frankenhealey]

What have I got in my pocketses? Well, not being a hobbit but having a predilection for second breakfast I'll have to modify the question to 'What do I have in my 6 x 4 non-car trailer?'. Yes it's a wet Saturday night Retro Rides guessing game for all of my two loyal readers if they are both still awake.

astranaut is disqualified as he guessed the Grey Fergie straight away in the last game. grizz may be proud of me for my purchasing skillz.

[jamesd1972]

Attachment for said fergie ?
James